Category Archives: Nothing Sucks like a Big Orange

The weekend that was at MBG – week 10 edition

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Hahahahahaha!

I admit I was going to go full Lewis Grizzard and do this in this space if the outcome yesterday had been different.

Thankfully, it wasn’t, and I have an opportunity to take us on a tour of the message board universe. We saw at least one team eliminated from CFP contention, a lot of pain inflicted on our main rivals and a program with a delusion.

Let’s start today’s trip in Baton Rouge to check in on the Corn Dogs’ coaching search.

If Nick Saban wanted to coach in the NIL and transfer portal era, he would have stayed in Tuscaloosa until he collapsed in his office. He looks very happy to be doing media, enjoying his ability to play golf, and living the high life after a successful coaching career.

Cajuns, Nick Saban isn’t coming back to save you from your governor’s decision to choose the next LSU football coach. He’s 74 (yes, a young 74). No way does he have the ability to look a recruit (and family) in the eye and say he’ll be a coach for 4 or 5 years at this point.

For all of those fan bases who believe Saban is coming back to save them, just stop.

Let’s move on to check in on Coach Amazon Prime in Boulder.

Colorado gets absolutely smashed in Boulder by Arizona. 5 turnovers and fewer than 300 yards of offense (3 turnovers of which led to extremely short fields for touchdowns) will get you run out of the stadium. The Wildcats led 38-7 at the half and played like Ralphie running over the Buffs.

I don’t know if Deion can be a successful head coach long-term. His formula isn’t working and probably isn’t going to work to make Colorado competitive. I wonder how happy Juju Lewis is in Boulder right now.

Let’s head to Dallas to see how the week 3 national champions are faring.

The Hurricanes are down bad after their 2nd loss to an unranked ACC opponent. Carson Beck throws 2 interceptions including a backbreaking pick on the goal line in overtime. Miami’s defense gives up 365 yards passing as Kevin Jennings takes care of the ball and engineers a 2:00 drive for the tying field goal aided by unnecessary roughness penalty.

Miami probably has to win out including the ACC championship game to be in the field of 12 at this point. Does Cristobal get blown out if that doesn’t happen? Coach Oeaux in Coral Gables would be a clash of cultures.

Let’s head to Greater Opelika to say “Thanks for the memories” to Hugh Freeze.

To those who believe #FireEverybody is the answer to your football program’s problems, Auburn should be the cautionary tale. Lather, rinse, repeat, War Tiglesmen. Your job is 3rd best of the conference’s open positions by a large margin. You have to convince someone that they can be successful being squeezed between 2 of the current giants of the sport while your past advantage (cough, cough … Auburn boosters … cough, cough) doesn’t matter any more. How quickly does Cam Coleman go into the portal with plans to play in Tuscaloosa?

I wondered if this was fake news. If not, this is pretty incredible. If Hugh was playing golf every Sunday in season, that’s a bad look, and I believe these guys should have a life.

Let’s move on to the Upstate of South Carolina for another update on the Greater Anderson Cow College.

Fun fact: Yesterday’s loss to Duke was the first time in 129 years of football that Clemson has lost when scoring more than 45 points. (134-1 now) Ouch. For the IPTAY crowd that loved Dabo for doing things the right way and looked down on the rest of college football, it sucks to be you now. Georgia broke Clemson in Charlotte on the night of September 4, 2021, and smashed them in Atlanta on August 31, 2024.

Can Clemson afford to fire Swinney or encourage him to find a new employer? Do they want to jump into a football coach hiring frenzy that already has LSU, Florida, Penn State and Auburn looking?

Sorry, Clive, but I’m guessing Dabo will be on the sidelines when Clemson goes to the Bayou in 2026.

Let’s move over to East Tennessee to check in on the fan base and team playing Halloween dress-up in a CFP elimination game.

Bobby Hill and the Vols likely save Brent Venables job with a loss on Rocky Top. Tennessee’s lines of scrimmage get dominated giving up 192 yards while gaining only 63 on the ground. Joey Aguilar’s 2 picks were both bad. One took points off the board for Tennessee, and the other enabled Oklahoma to steal 3 points right before the half.

Those 2 picks eventually led to the winning margin.

We’re going to take a short stop in Jacksonville to check on the geniuses of the UGA message boards.

This team keeps finding ways to melt down the fan base. This time it was a couple of explosive plays allowed by the defense while the offense sputtered for portions of the first 3 quarters. The first TD was the result of a poor punt leading to a short field and then a blown coverage. The field goal was the result of a turnover and then another blown coverage on a short field. The 3rd quarter was generally garbage.

I would love for this team to come out and blow people out. This team isn’t that right now, guys.

Sad, pathetic and soft aren’t words I would use to describe a team that has fought in every game for 4 quarters.

Let’s wrap up today’s trip on Tobacco Road to check in on America’s darlings, the Nerds of the North Avenue Trade School.

StinkTalk is probably saying how great they are because a 4-4 team rushed the field after beating them. Alas, since their board is blocked, we won’t know. I’m here for you to find other sources of amusement.

Nerd reaction to getting a swirlie on Saturday night in Raleigh

While no one cares enough about the other nerd boards to send any #MeltdownAlert posts to MBG, this post encapsulates their team. With Clemson’s implosion, they haven’t beaten anybody with a pulse and almost lost to Wake Forest who allowed FSU to break their ACC losing streak yesterday in Tallahassee by the score of 42-7.

NC State lost to Duke by 12, Virginia Tech by 2, Notre Dame by 29 and Pitt by 19. NC State’s offense then pistol-whipped the Jacketasses’ defense to the tune of 583 yards of total offense including 243 on the ground.

I’m sure Kirby is licking his chops over what much better athletes are going to do on a fast track in MBS against their defense.

That’s what I saw this weekend. Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Fire Everybody, Everywhere!

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Well…

Freeze now has ample time and money for golfing, with a buyout of over $15 million.

In other news…

Trust me when I say that there is absolutely no credibility or validity to that, but there is no shortage of rumors that Tennessee has decided to move on from Heupel. I doubt any of that is true, but the Hillbillies are restless and want that championship they’re due….and they want it now.

Just do like Auburn did, Vowels fans, and declare multiple additional national championships and make yourselves feel better!

And over in Columbia:

Seems we’re learning that attempting a coaching comeback in the SEC isn’t for everybody.

Not a Bad Saturday, All in All

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What a glorious weekend.

I’m not sure which I like better. Tech having Haynes King account for 500 yards of offense and losing by two scores to an unranked NC State, or seeing Auburn lose 10-3 to Kentucky after they felt justified that the Fumble Before the Crumble made the top of the list in ESPNs worst officiating calls of the season this past week.

Just another daily reminder…Auburn sucks.

Meanwhile, in Baseball News

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The one thing that Tennessee has had to crow about in recent years just went pro…

Why does he look like he has a gun being held to his head? The whole thing was orchestrated by Jimmy Sexton, and Vitelli becomes the first college coach to head to the majors without stints at the minor leagues. There’s a catch though.

Meanwhile, there’s coaching issues in Hogtown beyond football right now…

Should be an interesting spring on the diamond, no?

SEC Shorts – Fire Everybody

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Nice one for this week.

Good reminder that it could always be worse. Like this kiss of death.

Gus Malzahan just might be available soon, Barners.

The weekend that was at MBG – week 8

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You knew it wasn’t going to last because of this guy

It was hard to choose the stops on this weekend’s trip around the message boards. With the chaos of the weekend, I could have made Diamond Medallion in a weekend. All of this without a stop in Palo Alto to see the smoking crater that is the Florida State football program.

Let’s start on Friday night in the Sunshine State as the Hurricanes get exposed by Louisville.

In the words of Marc Antony through the Bard, I come to bury Mario Cristobal and Carson Beck, not to praise them. 63 yards rushing for a team whose coach is an offensive line coach by trade. 4 interceptions including a back breaker on the last possession in plus territory when all you need is a field goal to tie the game.

Miami is going to make the playoff because no one else on the schedule is that good and they have the win over Notre Dame. 9 penalties and 4 turnovers equals an undisciplined team that is going to have issues in the playoff.

Let’s head back to the Plains to check on the Auburn Family as they move closer to the ledge after another loss.

At this point, Auburn’s defensive players have to be throwing up their hands in frustration. They have played well enough throughout the season for the Tigers to be undefeated and positioned for a playoff berth. That offense is wretched. They won their turnover margin. They rushed for more yardage. Jackson Arnold wasn’t good but also wasn’t terrible.

That means one thing … Hugh Freeze sucks. This is what you can get when you decide to fire a coach with some success because you believe you can do better. I’m here to enjoy every moment of it.

Let’s head up to South Bend to check on the Boy Wonder and the temperature of Arrogant Nation.

The stat line from Saturday looks like a Lincoln Riley team – 306 yards rushing given up and they only rushed for 68. They got physically whipped by the Irish. Riley has the same advantages at USC that Cristobal has at Miami – an NIL war chest and a fertile recruiting base with no geographic equal. Yet, he can’t seem to get out of his own way in big moments. He could cover that up at Big 12 OU where his teams would just make you play basketball on grass.

Let’s head to Tuscaloosa to look in on Tooth Nation after the 3rd Saturday in October.

Butch Huepel? That’s genius worthy right there.

Alabama slaps down Tennessee in T-town again. I’ll admit I listened to part of the game on my way home from Athens last night. The Alabama radio announcers are the worst. Eli Gold loved Alabama, but he was a treasure. Their PbP guy is just a Bammer douche on the radio. I had to turn it off before my ears started bleeding.

On to the game, Bama used a flurry in the 2nd quarter to put Tennessee away capped by a 99(!)-yard pick 6 on the last play of the half after the Vols drove the length of the field. That reminded me of Sean Jones running down the sideline in 2003 in Kneeland.

I was happy because one team had to lose.

Let’s head to Music City where Corn Dog Nation has to be beside themselves today.

I didn’t know Cajuns knew any words to replace the f-word especially given the language in one of their cheers.

You would think the motivation message to the LSU Fightin’ Tigers would have written itself, “Vegas has you as a betting underdog to Vanderbilt! What are you going to do about it?” Get Pavia-ed looks like what the response was. Josh Pate haz a sad over Blake Baker’s defense being bludgeoned to the tune of 239 yards yielded on the ground.

I’ve said the Corn Dogs would turn on the Leprechaun as soon as things went south because he isn’t one of them. It’s happening. I’m guessing with A&M and Bama coming up next that Kelly is reading the fine print of his contract this morning.

Let’s head to the Palmetto State to check in on the state of South Carolina college football.

Clemson and South Carolina both lose by double digits, and both Dabo and Baby Beamer find themselves in the crosshairs of their fan bases. I’m not even going to go into the details of the games.

At this point, the Clemson-South Carolina game would be on Raycom or Jefferson Pilot in the old days of TV. If tickets were still paper, a Cock or Tiger fan may put them on the windshield of their car at the local Ingles and find more tickets on the windshield when they come back.

Let’s head up to the bluegrass to check in on how “Texas is back.”

If you looked at a team’s stat line and saw the following numbers, what would you think happened with 179-395 total offense, 132-258 passing, 47 yards rushing and 20:00 of ToP?

A loss by 2 TDs? Well, you would be wrong. That team wins in overtime.

The Archduke has a 25 game QBR with a below 50% completion rate. Kentucky sacks him 3 times.

This Texas team is not good at all. They go to Starkvegas next and then entertain Vandy prior to their off week prior to their visit to Athens. Is it possible Texas could have 4 losses when they visit between the hedges?

For the preseason #1 with the Heisman winner and #1 overall draft pick in the 2026 draft, that has to hurt.

Let’s move on to Hogtown to check in on the mental state of the Handbags.

Sun Belt Billy is out at Florida. When your fan base bemoans a win especially a conference win, you know you’re in trouble. My only question is whether the team quits on the staff heading into the Cocktail Party. As others have said, I wonder if Kirby would bring him up for an analyst role similar to the Jaden Rashada season just to get under the Gators’ hides.

My only message to Kirby is to annihilate them.

Let’s end this weekend back in the Classic City to check on both sides of the game of the weekend.

We have a segment of our fan base who needs to learn about resiliency. That statement isn’t about creating a bogey man or pumping sunshine.

To the Ole Miss fans, the game flipped when the Rebel defense finally completely broke and Trinidad Chambliss realized he wasn’t playing in Oxford or Ferris State any longer. it had nothing to do with ABC’s decisions for TV timeouts.

I have to say two things about the game. First, I would rather see us take chances in man coverage rather than give ridiculous amounts of cushion. Second, I don’t understand Kirby’s decision to go for 2 in the 3rd quarter.

What did you see this weekend? Let us know in the comments.

Volunteer as Tribute

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The Hillbillies seem to be happy with their three permanent SEC games.

And here is where we get into the “what makes a rival” debate? The Cackalacky fans believe Georgia is a rival, whereas Kentucky and Vanderbilt (until recently) could hardly be described as a rivalry from an outsider’s perspective.

For our permanent (for at least the next four seasons, anyway) we drew two definite rivals in Auburn and Florida, and without any other context to go by, Carolina was determined based on proximity, or perhaps the former eastern conference alignment.

You think the Vowels are happy to get a break from Georgia? Should they be begging for a chance to play us again and snap the streak?

Hell, Mary

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Sorry for the late posting, the family is on vacation down here at PCB. One thing that I’ve enjoyed this week is seeing the unsurprising meltdown of Tennessee fans in the wake of Saturday’s loss. It is still glorious to me, and was a much needed cleansing of my soul considering I sat in the very same stadium 30 years ago just to watch the Vowels kick a game winner in Neyland. I get their pain, all too well, but it’s still sweet.

One of the more interesting takes I’ve seen from the Bobby Hillbillies is that this was a Hail Mary.

They are also losing it about uncalled PIs, the refs, etc. One interesting stat from Saturday that stands out, still, is one that the refs weren’t helping the Dawgs with: no false starts. I’d have to say that is some next level coaching and scheming. And the ensuing two point conversion was a thing of absolute beauty.

I think one element I should’ve included in the buying/selling post is that I’m buying that Branch is a difference maker. Going in motion just to pivot back and make the catch, that’s a hard concept to see coming. Chef’s kiss.

But back to the original point …yes, it was a 4th and 6 and a last chance…but a Hail Mary? I don’t see it. What’s your take on it?

They live among us – Vol MBG edition

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Not sure I need to say anything else.

“It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear a fool than to open your mouth (or your message board comments) and remove all doubt.”

The weekend that was at MBG – week 3 edition

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9 in a row. As someone who lived through the 90s, this pays us back for 1992 and 1995.

We’ll be coming back to Ob-Knoxville, Tennessee at some point in this week’s travels around the message board universe. Let’s get started in Houston to check in on Coach Amazon Prime and the Buffs.

For all that Prime was a player (and he was one of the greatest DBs to play the game), physical was never a trait to describe him. Giving up over 430 yards while only gaining 300 with a -2 turnover margin gets you beat and often run out of the stadium.

Colorado gets slapped around by Houston. What is it about former Texas 8&4 QBs that they go to a lesser program and thrive? The Cougars are 3-0, and Connor Weigman accounts for 305 yards of total offense and 2 TDs against Colorado.

The genius who posted that title needs some remedial lessons in subject-verb agreement. Let’s move on to the one location hotter than the surface of the sun … Columbia, South Carolina … to check in on the mental state of delusional Lamecock Nation.

Don’t look now, but the Commodores have gone to Lane Stadium and the Dead Cockroach and put belt to backside to start 3-0. Vandy wallops South Carolina 31-7 to bring the South Carolina faithful back to earth to start planning for a meaningless bowl trip rather than the CFP. Sure, LaNorris Sellers got knocked out of the game, but the Dores are proving to be a tough out. To the Gamecocks, you typically aren’t going to beat a team with a pulse with a -3 turnover margin.

If this is a 1 week blip due to injury, this one may hurt in December, Cocks. Let’s jump on I-20 to check in on Tyler from Spartanburg and the Tiggers at historic Richt-Smart Field at Vince Dooley Stadium.

I don’t think since starting this series we’ve had to check in on a fan base 3 weeks in a row, but the Greater Anderson Cow College is a gift that keeps on giving. All the college football pundits that had Clemson in the top 5 have egg on their face at this point. The Tigers aren’t good this year, and the upstate IPTAY wolves are now out. Turnovers matter.

Now, for the nerds, storming the field after beating a team for their 2nd loss in 3 games and was behind Troy 16-0 during their only win is classic “At Georgia tech, you can do that” moment. I don’t want you losers to keep winning, but the positive if you do is that we’ll be totally focused on beating you senseless at Thanksgiving.

Let’s go check in to see how the leprechauns are taking the realization that their CFP expectations are going up in smoke with a home loss to Texas 8&4.

2 losses with no chance to win a conference with 1 or 2 losable games still on the schedule puts the Irish’s season officially on the brink. Marcus Freeman’s calling card is defense, and Marcel Reed splattered that defense to almost 400 yards of total offense while only generating a 77 overall QBR.

Irish fans are not entertained … but I am.

Let’s head down to Death Valley and the bayou to check in on the Handbags on the latest stop on the Sun Belt Billy farewell tour.

Watching Handbags who thought college football begin in 1990 crawl under their rocks is a beautiful sight for these eyes. DJ Lagway does his best Quincy Carter impression by throwing 5(!) picks in a game that Florida lost by 10. Once again, all the college football talking heads who raved about Lagway as the guy who was going to put the Gators at their rightful place at the top of the college football universe need to find a crow au vin recipe … cough, cough … Aaron Murray … cough, cough … Josh Pate … cough, cough … Joel Klatt … cough, cough … Chris Doering … cough, cough.

Now the Gators face a QB who hasn’t lost to them on a team that blew them out of the Swamp last year. Good luck in South Florida, Billy.

Let’s end today on the banks of Tennessee River where there are no goalposts floating on this morning.

Well, well, well, Tooth Nation. You pulled defeat from the jaws of victory.

Everything went your way, and you still couldn’t get it done. Face it. Kirby owns your asses between his time at Bama and now at Georgia. He is your Steve Spurrier without the shooting off at the mouth.

Kneeland is officially Sanford North.

Enjoy the likely 2 year break from playing us because we’re coming for double digits the next time in Sanford.

Before I end this week’s trip, I have to call out one of our geniuses.

GodTurley3 and any genius who thumbs upped the post on the Vent, you suck.

This team never gave up. Gunner Stockton had his David Greene moment dropping a dime on 4th down to London Humphreys. The defense was battered throughout the game but came up with a huge stop in the overtime. Finally, if Bo Hughley isn’t starting next Saturday, I wouldn’t blame him if he decided to enter the portal.

Let’s get ready for the Tide.