Let all the Bulldog faithful rally behind the men who now wear the red and black with two words, two simple words which express the sentiments of the entire Bulldog Nation: Auburn Sucks.
So Tennessee has benched their wunderkind quarterback Faizon Brandon (or is it Faton Bauta?) for a guy named George, they struggled against Auburn, lost to Texas, and they’re wondering who should win Saturday night (or Sunday afternoon?) as they prep for the SECCG.
You can’t spell Volunteer without overlent, which is giving away more money than one possesses. You don’t have house money, and you factually don’t have any dog in the fight at all.
Sit this one out, Vols. You’ll lose to Alabama, regardless.
And what I wouldn’t give to actually face Tennessee in a year where they were supposed to get a pass from the annual misery of losing to Georgia.
As far as theories go, it’s as good as any to help explain why the guy everyone had as a Heisman lock last week only gained 13 yards…in the entire game. I don’t think it has anything to do with the caller’s theory, because as far as that goes, there’s plenty of them running around on the team wearing helmets. And one who is their head coach who likes to say a lot of tough guy things until they get their ass handed to them, then it’s all about “we’ve got problems”.
It’s a long season. Instead of Bloody Tuesday, maybe Sumrall should take the team out to Ruby Tuesdays to relax, have some fun, and meet some womerns.
You might have to drive up to the Ruby Tuesdays in Savannah, though.
Meet David Rudolph Jenrath, aka Don Julio, a former staffer who has now been arrested on felony charges for leaking Auburn recruiting secrets to other teams.
The interesting this about it is that it sounds like, in keeping with the true Auburn tradition of national championships, that much of it was made up.
One source on the receiving end of the email questioned how proprietary the information really was. Jenrath was not a major member of the Auburn front office staff, and multiple sources told CBS Sports he was fired after he was spotted at an Auburn baseball game, even though he told staff he was sick.
“Your high school slash JUCO evaluation pipeline and how it gets from the intern to the head coach is not confidential information,” a source said.
CBS Sports has obtained part of what Jenrath emailed to dozens of front office staffers seemingly at random in July. The source on the receiving end of the documents said 85 different email addresses were listed, including theirs. The document is labeled as an “Auburn personnel manual” which lists the names, phone numbers and emails of recruiting staff and scouts. It also includes a section for scouting office rules/expectations, and an explainer of the different recruiting and scouting services used by the Auburn scouting department.
Another source who had viewed the email recipients flagged that some of the addresses were for staffers who had moved onto other jobs. “It’s almost as if he asked AI for a list of recruiting staff members.”
To make matters even better, Don Julio is a student currently at Tennessee.
When it comes to college football, the facts are simply better than fiction.
In case you missed it, the “Real UTI” was defined over the weekend, with Texass prevailing over Tennessee. If you could’ve told me there was a program that could outclass the Vols, I’d say bullshit.
But, man, the Longhorns really stepped up their game, I’ll give them that.
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Colin Simmons, here’s your roses.
But wait…there’s more!
Refs: No sir– you MAY NOT mime urination with a gigantic uber-penis after a sack
Also refs: You MAY, in fact, mime smelling your own taint sweat and subsequently fainting … THAT is perfectly acceptable and normal behavior
Gotta hand it to you, Shorthorns. You joined the league and have had an immediate impact to somehow wash away the general douchiness of Tennessee and Florida fanbases, albeit you can’t actually win the conference.
Not sure if that’s more of an indictment on Auburn or if it’s speaking to the Jorts Wearing Optimists in Hogtown’s false positives about Florida being back.
Rooting very very hard for Trinidad and Company to tamper down the Gators this weekend.
Dabo is officially on the hot seat, and it seems like he doesn’t much care about it. Ever since Brent Venables left the Greater Anderson Cow College, Clemson hasn’t necessarily been a feared program.
In Venables time at Clemson, roughly ten years from 2012-2021, Clemson lost a total of 17 games. In the four seasons since he took over at the helm at Oklahoma, Clemson hasn’t necessarily lost…17 games.
It’s not so bad, though…in the four years before Venables came to Clemson, Swinney lost 22 games.
It’s amazing what Swinney can’t accomplish as a head coach in his own, and people are becoming very aware of it. Smart may have had his last chance to embarrass Dabo when Georgia played Clemson a few years ago, but the better news is Kirby doesn’t have a split like that that people can point to based on a coordinator, no matter if the fan base likes the coordinator or not.
It’s been so long since either team has beaten Georgia that a whole generation of kids have been born and completed elementary school in the same time, so it’s not a question of relevance, it’s more of which gives you greater satisfaction?
Seeing Tennessee lose to an ACC school, albeit a rival?
Seeing Tech lost to Bobby Hill?
Personally, I love it anytime Tech loses. Tennessee is more fun when they lose to us…but I cannot help myself from cheering whenever I see nerd tears and whining from the blue bloods on the Flats.
One thing the Dawgs have going for them in 2026: tons of returning starters…in fact, they are tied for the most in the SEC with Oklahoma at 14.
Tennessee and Texas, surprisingly, also bring back more than half their starters from 2025, while South Carolina, Ole Miss, and Vanderbilt return 10 starters on their squads.
So who has the fewest returning starters, you might ask. The answer should absolutely excite you.
Ah, Auburn. Notice they have the same amount of returning starters as South Florida…shocker, I know.
Happy September, Refugees. It’s your monthly reminder that Auburn sucks.
NEWS: #LSU signees, Dae’Quan Wright, Zxavian Harris, and Junior Tuihalamaka (alongside former Tiger, Jack Pyburn and others) will have a Preliminary Injunction hearing on Monday, August 31 at 1:30pm CT.
Say, now that’s interesting! The NCAA could slap a ban on LSU football from play or invalidate wins because Joey Freshwater conspired against the NCAA? Didn’t this really get started in Oxford, anyway?
If that’s the case and they can prove it, would that constitute “cause” in releasing Kiffin from his LSU contract? While hilarious and maybe a backhanded way for Lane to kill one of Alabama’s rivals and then backdooring his way into the Alabama head coaching position would be a level degree of chess that even I never gave him credit for.
of course this is on the heels of USA Today ranking Alabama the number 2 party school in the US, so maybe Lane had this in the works all along.
One thing of note: just because these guys can’t play in the SEC or B1G doesn’t mean they can’t play in other conferences. That means there’s only one way this can go for the ultimate “hilarity ensues” moment…
All that money, maneuvering, and lawyering and their starter sounds like a guy who would be leading the Sons of Anarchy, not the Commodores. Methinks Curtis will be getting some playing time in the earlier part of the season and they’ll hand him the reins gradually, or maybe Blaze is the next Diego Pavia. Who knows…who cares.
Meanwhile, the Bobby Hillbilllies have anointed a true freshman as their starting quarterback:
He’s the first true freshman to start at quarterback for the Vols since Brent Schaeffer in 2004, when the Vols went on to play for the SEC Championship only to lose to Auburn. I think 2004 might have been one of Auburn’s mythical national championship years, so there’s that.
