Well, well, wellā¦
Old Bawling Brent hasnāt been having the best of times on the Flats lately. Since pretty much locking up the ACC last year, Tech has since lost to Pitt, Georgia, BYU, Colorado, and Tennessee. Their P4 OOC resume isnāt looking so swell, and they canāt even win their conference, either.
The longest losing streak of any P4 team in the country, and all losses against ranked P4 teamsā¦well, except for Colorado
Couldnāt happen to a better pack of assholes, could it?
The first 2 weeks of the season have not been good for the conference who can’t count as 2 of their national championship contenders go down on the road, and they have suffered multiple losses in out of conference play. While we haven’t truly had a wacky Saturday yet, we still encountered a number of message board genius meltdowns across the country on this past college football weekend.
Letās start in Ann Arbor returning for a different reason than we thought 7 days ago..
Is Michigan as bad as their tainted win last week would indicate? Probably not. Are they going to get exposed as frauds as the season goes on? Probably, but this post isn’t about Michigan. Oklahoma looked like hot garbage on offense with fewer than 300 yards of total offense and a -2 turnover margin. I don’t get the love affair many in the national media have with John Mateer. They want to make him Baker Mayfield reincarnated, but I just don’t see it. The interception he threw was bad and set up Michigan on the doorstep to take the lead for good.
Brent Venables seems to be another defensive mastermind who doesn’t seem to be the best head coach. I really don’t see why Oklahoma saw a reason to extend and restructure his contract. His buyout is north of $50m. With games coming up at Georgia, the Red River Shootout, at Mississippi State (don’t laugh), at Florida and vs. Ole Miss, Venables may be on a scalding hot seat by November.
Letās head to T. Boone Pickens-land to check on the state of the offseason national champions and another defensive mastermind who seems to find ways to lose.
After a serious scare at home in week 1 and a tumble down the rankings, #6 Oregon gets upset on the road by Oklahoma State, who got beaten soundly by Tulsa, who struggled this week to beat (check notes) Sam Houston. Because of Nike money, Oregon fans believe they are entitled to win national championships. The real question instead of what’s the problem with Dan Lanning may be what’s wrong with the long-time culture at Oregon where these kind of games seem to happen with regularity. I have no idea whether the rumored money being paid to Dante Moore to return to school is the real number or not, but I do wonder if that money has done something in the Ducks’ locker room. Also, a 52.9 QBR after 2 weeks isn’t exactly what a QB with a $5m NIL valuation should be.
Lanning’s calling card is supposed to be defense, and they gave up 550+ yards of total offense including over 230 yards on the ground … yikes. In the meantime, Oregon averaged less than 5 yards per play on offense
Letās head back to the 404 to check on the temperature of the denizens of StinkTalk after being run over by Tennessee.
Leave it to some Tech nerd genius to express his opinion on Jacketass football using some kind of tech script. First, on Tennessee, you would have thought from the commentary last night that Faizon Brandon was Hendon Hooker. A stat line with 159 yards of total offense shouldn’t scare anyone remaining on the Hillbillies’ schedule. They ripped the Tech defense for 299 yards on the ground. Another poster said on another thread on StinkTalk that he was only focused on the Governor’s Cup … all I got to say to that is we are going to be ready to drop 50+ on them. They need to be worried they may have 7 or 8 losses by the time Clean Old Fashioned Hate rolls around in November.
As this season goes on, the anticipation of throwing the Drought on the ash heap of college football history grows. Given that game time is in a flex spot on Rivalry Saturday, I expect that Sanford is going to be ready.
Letās head out west for a quick stop in Corvallis to see how the real Texas little brother fan base is doing.
Texas Tech escapes Oregon State with a win. I don’t think anyone in the Big 12 is shaking in their boots about facing this Texas Tech team. Given the little brother bravado their fan base showed this year, anything short of another Big 12 title is going make Cody Campbell and the Red Raider fan base put McGuire on the hot seat. All of these issues can’t be traced back to Brendan Sorsby, but the karma of what’s likely to happen during the rest of the season is going to be fun to watch after watching them defend playing the gambler.
On our way to the meteor game of the century, letās see how next weekās opponentās geniuses are doing after their late night trip to SLC.
If you want some Monday morning entertainment, check out one of the Arkansas Barstool accounts after Saturday night’s dismantling at the hands of Utah. I wish I had captured it. Let’s just put it this way … they aren’t optimistic.
Utah hasn’t exactly been known as a cradle of quarterbacks and the passing game. The Utes were 20 of 28 for 301 yards and a 10+ yards per attempt average. Now they face one of the hottest quarterbacks in the game. They rushed for 61 yards and less than 2.5 yards per attempt. It’s clear the Hog faithful are not happy with the choice of Silverfield. I’m sure Kirby is already showing the clip of Silverfield from Memphis last year and his lousy explanation at SEC Media Days. Here’s the reason I don’t understand the decision to fire a college coach midseason. Arkansas fired Pittman while at the same time having no plan resulting in this hire.
We’ll do more this week, but my prediction for Saturday is a lot of pain for the Hogs in Fayette Nam.
Letās wrap up today with geniuses from both sides of the game in Austin.
Texas’s offense was hot garbage for most of the game. The 4th down end around was one of the worst offensive play calls I’ve seen in the last 10 years. The boo birds were out in Austin as Ohio State built their lead, and the Texas offense sputtered. Jeremiah Smith was running free through the Texas secondary, and Bo Jackson was getting tough yards.
Then, Muschamp made adjustments …
A segment of the Ohio State fan base seems to hate Ryan Day. I saw these game stats to demonstrate the scope of collapse of the Buckeyes in the 4th quarter last night. First, anOSU had won 115 consecutive games when holding a 20 point lead entering the 4th quarter. Second, AP #1 ranked teams were 197-0 since 2004 when holding a 20-point lead at any time in the 4th quarter. This made me laugh when I thought about the context of this past performance.
Thatās what I saw this weekend. Did you see something even better? Let us know in the comments.
The geniuses are back. Rather than talking about their bathroom habits or what they would do to get so-and-so player and coach, they are showing their ball-knowing to the world. Week 1 this year wasnāt likely to be to be a gold mine of genius, but we got enough on our trip to get some good laughs.
Letās start todayās trip at Smart-Richt Field at Vince Dooley Stadium as the Jacketassesā season collapses on the seasonās first real night of games.
No one cares enough about Fech football to send genius posts from StinkTalk, but Iām here for you. 2 years ago the denizens of StinkTalk thought Brent Key was the reincarnation of Booby Dudd and Booby Ross, and he was going to get Kirby Smart fired at Georgia. Today, heās another likely failure of a head coach on North Avenue.
To get physically manhandled by Coach Amazon Primeās Buffaloes to the tune of 183 to 51 yards rushing should embarrass Mr. Tough Guy. Letās follow the defensive statistics of Colorado throughout the year. That should tell us something when Thanksgiving weekend rolls around. Pain.
Letās head a little downtown to Mercedes Benz Stadium to check on the geniuses of the Greater Opelika Cow College.
If that performance did anything for male enhancement in east Alabama, Auburn is in for a long season. Auburn wins because Dave Aranda goes for the win in regulation rather than playing for overtime. Auburnās defense made DJ Lagway look serviceable, and Byrum Brown threw 3 picks. This Baylor team is far from the best team Auburn will face this year, so itās not going to be pretty by the time the Iron Bowl rolls around.
On the other sideline ā¦
Dave Aranda has run out of time in Waco without a dramatic turnaround. I give him credit for going for the win with the 2 point play, but the right play probably was to play for overtime. The guy is a defensive genius, but I donāt think heās cut out to be the leader of the program ā¦ sort of like Will Muschamp.
This may be a good way to look at those 2 QBs:
Letās move west to Tulsa to check in on Oklahomaās little brother.
I donāt care about Oklahoma State football at all, but that post less than a year after āIām a man! Iām 40!ā got fired in Stillwater makes me laugh. Getting punked by double digits by Group of 5 Tulsa is not going to make the Big 12 look good to the committee. No matter what people say, the Big 12 is at best a 1 bid league given its make-up is more like a G6 league than a P4. Iām guessing the Pokes are happy that Bedlam isnāt going to be played this year, but, OTOH, on Saturday in Stillwater, they host ā¦
Letās head out west to check on the Handbags of the Northwest, Oregon.
Hereās the extent of ball-knowing in Eugene. The Ducks escape 34-27 over Boise, who isnāt close to the best teams Oregon will play this year. The team statistics look like Oregon should have smashed Boise like a top 5 team should do to solid G6 program, yet they needed a late touchdown to get the win. Nike is going to make sure Dante Moore gets a ton of hype for his Heismanesque performance against the Broncos.
If the pollsters do their job this weekend, I would expect that the Dawgs move past Oregon to #2 in the rankings released on Tuesday.
Letās move on to Ann Arbor to check in on what appears to be the next scandal involving Michigan football.
Any Michigan fan who stormed the field on Saturday night after beating Western Michigan should be embarrassed. The way it happened should be an embarrassment to the B1G and its officials. That rationalization is never used at any other point in a game. A similar play would have never been reviewed for that particular issue.
Tim Brando gets something right for a change.
Also, it seems the MAC wants to keep those sweet Big 10 checks flowing:
Something stinks about this whole thing.
Letās move on to the Bayou to check on the fleeting pulse of the Greater Anderson Cow College football program.
The Upstate South Carolina faithful seem to have had enough. Dabo Swinney is 121-46 without Deshaun Watson and Trevor Lawrence. Entering Death Valley on Saturday night, Clemson is 47-20 since Lawrence took his hair and talents to Northeast Florida. I donāt think many people expected Clemson to win in Baton Rouge. I know people didnāt expect Clemson football program to spontaneously combust on Saturday night either.
The benefit of the remaining schedule is that Clemson plays all of 1 currently ranked opponent.
This is cold:
Not really true but funny nonetheless.
Letās move on to Music City to see the pucker factor for Ole Miss rise to meteoric levels.
If you gave up 38 to Louisville and needed a punt snapped over the head of the punter to provide one of the TDs, keep rationalizing, Rebels. The Kiffin Kancer is coming, and I imagine he is planning to lay waste to Oxford given they gave up almost 500 yards and a number of explosive plays.
While this weekās game in Austin is the meteor game of the century for me, the Magnolia Bowl is setting up to be a meteor game as well. Both fan bases are being insufferable for different reasons.
Weāre going to finish our trip last night under the sort-of lights of Doak Campbell.
I didnāt stay up to watch the full game. The message boards geniuses want Norvell out yesterday. Iām sure every one of them will be happy to contribute their 401kās to his massive buyout to make it happen. The power outage is symptomatic of the problems FSU is having right now. They have a chance to make a statement on national TV, and they have this happen. They have been a joke at QB since Jordan Travisās injury. They have been awful on the offensive line since Dumbo was there.
Kirby broke them in Miami. Danny Kanell still isnāt over it ā¦ he had us #12 in weekend rankings.
Thatās what I saw this weekend. I canāt wait to see which 2 fan bases in this coming weekendās meteor games meltdown.
We have an interesting matchup this week.
Itās been so long since either team has beaten Georgia that a whole generation of kids have been born and completed elementary school in the same time, so itās not a question of relevance, itās more of which gives you greater satisfaction?
Seeing Tennessee lose to an ACC school, albeit a rival?
Seeing Tech lost to Bobby Hill?
Personally, I love it anytime Tech loses. Tennessee is more fun when they lose to usā¦but I cannot help myself from cheering whenever I see nerd tears and whining from the blue bloods on the Flats.
How about you?
Shot:
Chaser:
The middle schoolers from Boulder came to the Flats, surrounded by virgins and white noise, and were able to run all over Tech for a good bit of the night, JuJu Lewis was awful until Coloradoās final drive, and Justice Haynes continues to be a guy we donāt mind missing in Athens.
Chaser with a Double Shot:
Lol. Nerds. They lost to Coach Amazon Prime and the Canadian Strength Sensation Coach Cotes.
I wonder if Brent is gonna cry.
Nothing says prepping for the Tech game like playing against girls.
Let’s face it, there’s no girls on Tech’s campus, right?
Amirite, or amirwrong?
Er, I mean, coffers. Looks like Tennessee and Tech are finding ways to bolster their funds. First, in Knoxville, where they may be adding a page from the Braves organizationās playbook to add a Battery-like entertainment district to Kneeland.
In a GTPRefugees exclusive, Iāve obtained an artists rendering of the plan:
Meanwhike, at the North Avenue Trade Center, theyāre finally noticing sports. Girls are next.
Good for them. I didnāt know people could raise so much money with a combined 0-17 record over these many years against Georgia. Letās ensure we help them raise more money next year, shall we?
Lots of high praise for the Benz during the World Cup.
By Atlanta Stadium, Iām assuming they mean the home of Bulldogs. If they want to see a more outdoor and smaller version, they just need to drive up the street to Mark Richt field.
Woof.
The NATS unveiled their new uniforms. Congrats on the new shade of unhealthy urine.
I don’t have much else to say, except, Yecch.
Getting a new uniform sponsor, getting new shades of shit.
Granted, we have our new Bulldog head thanks to our uniform sponsor, but I wonder if Tech is going to be able to still have all the unique and interesting uniform combinations when they take the field next year and lose.
Oh, I forgot, they’ve got Fernando Mendoza’s brother, so they’ll be winning a national championship, right.
Sorry, it must be brain fog…I was confusing Auburn with Tech. Both will be losing, but only one will claim a championship in something at year’s end.
Tech and Auburn suck. FTMFs.