I admit I was going to go full Lewis Grizzard and do this in this space if the outcome yesterday had been different.
Thankfully, it wasn’t, and I have an opportunity to take us on a tour of the message board universe. We saw at least one team eliminated from CFP contention, a lot of pain inflicted on our main rivals and a program with a delusion.
Let’s start today’s trip in Baton Rouge to check in on the Corn Dogs’ coaching search.
If Nick Saban wanted to coach in the NIL and transfer portal era, he would have stayed in Tuscaloosa until he collapsed in his office. He looks very happy to be doing media, enjoying his ability to play golf, and living the high life after a successful coaching career.
Cajuns, Nick Saban isn’t coming back to save you from your governor’s decision to choose the next LSU football coach. He’s 74 (yes, a young 74). No way does he have the ability to look a recruit (and family) in the eye and say he’ll be a coach for 4 or 5 years at this point.
For all of those fan bases who believe Saban is coming back to save them, just stop.
Let’s move on to check in on Coach Amazon Prime in Boulder.
Colorado gets absolutely smashed in Boulder by Arizona. 5 turnovers and fewer than 300 yards of offense (3 turnovers of which led to extremely short fields for touchdowns) will get you run out of the stadium. The Wildcats led 38-7 at the half and played like Ralphie running over the Buffs.
I don’t know if Deion can be a successful head coach long-term. His formula isn’t working and probably isn’t going to work to make Colorado competitive. I wonder how happy Juju Lewis is in Boulder right now.
Let’s head to Dallas to see how the week 3 national champions are faring.
The Hurricanes are down bad after their 2nd loss to an unranked ACC opponent. Carson Beck throws 2 interceptions including a backbreaking pick on the goal line in overtime. Miami’s defense gives up 365 yards passing as Kevin Jennings takes care of the ball and engineers a 2:00 drive for the tying field goal aided by unnecessary roughness penalty.
Miami probably has to win out including the ACC championship game to be in the field of 12 at this point. Does Cristobal get blown out if that doesn’t happen? Coach Oeaux in Coral Gables would be a clash of cultures.
Let’s head to Greater Opelika to say “Thanks for the memories” to Hugh Freeze.
To those who believe #FireEverybody is the answer to your football program’s problems, Auburn should be the cautionary tale. Lather, rinse, repeat, War Tiglesmen. Your job is 3rd best of the conference’s open positions by a large margin. You have to convince someone that they can be successful being squeezed between 2 of the current giants of the sport while your past advantage (cough, cough … Auburn boosters … cough, cough) doesn’t matter any more. How quickly does Cam Coleman go into the portal with plans to play in Tuscaloosa?
I wondered if this was fake news. If not, this is pretty incredible. If Hugh was playing golf every Sunday in season, that’s a bad look, and I believe these guys should have a life.
Let’s move on to the Upstate of South Carolina for another update on the Greater Anderson Cow College.
Fun fact: Yesterday’s loss to Duke was the first time in 129 years of football that Clemson has lost when scoring more than 45 points. (134-1 now) Ouch. For the IPTAY crowd that loved Dabo for doing things the right way and looked down on the rest of college football, it sucks to be you now. Georgia broke Clemson in Charlotte on the night of September 4, 2021, and smashed them in Atlanta on August 31, 2024.
Can Clemson afford to fire Swinney or encourage him to find a new employer? Do they want to jump into a football coach hiring frenzy that already has LSU, Florida, Penn State and Auburn looking?
Sorry, Clive, but I’m guessing Dabo will be on the sidelines when Clemson goes to the Bayou in 2026.
Let’s move over to East Tennessee to check in on the fan base and team playing Halloween dress-up in a CFP elimination game.
Bobby Hill and the Vols likely save Brent Venables job with a loss on Rocky Top. Tennessee’s lines of scrimmage get dominated giving up 192 yards while gaining only 63 on the ground. Joey Aguilar’s 2 picks were both bad. One took points off the board for Tennessee, and the other enabled Oklahoma to steal 3 points right before the half.
Those 2 picks eventually led to the winning margin.
We’re going to take a short stop in Jacksonville to check on the geniuses of the UGA message boards.
This team keeps finding ways to melt down the fan base. This time it was a couple of explosive plays allowed by the defense while the offense sputtered for portions of the first 3 quarters. The first TD was the result of a poor punt leading to a short field and then a blown coverage. The field goal was the result of a turnover and then another blown coverage on a short field. The 3rd quarter was generally garbage.
I would love for this team to come out and blow people out. This team isn’t that right now, guys.
Sad, pathetic and soft aren’t words I would use to describe a team that has fought in every game for 4 quarters.
Let’s wrap up today’s trip on Tobacco Road to check in on America’s darlings, the Nerds of the North Avenue Trade School.
StinkTalk is probably saying how great they are because a 4-4 team rushed the field after beating them. Alas, since their board is blocked, we won’t know. I’m here for you to find other sources of amusement.
While no one cares enough about the other nerd boards to send any #MeltdownAlert posts to MBG, this post encapsulates their team. With Clemson’s implosion, they haven’t beaten anybody with a pulse and almost lost to Wake Forest who allowed FSU to break their ACC losing streak yesterday in Tallahassee by the score of 42-7.
NC State lost to Duke by 12, Virginia Tech by 2, Notre Dame by 29 and Pitt by 19. NC State’s offense then pistol-whipped the Jacketasses’ defense to the tune of 583 yards of total offense including 243 on the ground.
I’m sure Kirby is licking his chops over what much better athletes are going to do on a fast track in MBS against their defense.
That’s what I saw this weekend. Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
