Lord, Jesus. Psy Ops in Barner Town.
You could play “Swingin'” and it ain’t gonna matter, folks. Auburn just sucks.
Category Archives: Auburn’s Cast of Thousands
Will there be a rabbit’s foot category for the CFP now?
I think this is the definition of the Peter Principle in action in college sports.
The last time the Gus Bus was involved in a game that had playoff implications, the War Tiglesmen got the cat $#!+ beat out of them and the wheels proceeded to fall of the bus in a splattering at Mercedes Benz Stadium.
The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry has never been the same since that glorious evening in Atlanta. Dre Swift is smiling right now.
At least, there’s this.
Refugees, discuss.
Your Sunday Reminder That Auburn (and Tennessee) Sucks
Allow this to be your sacrilegious Sunday hating post.
You hate to see it, right?
Meanwhile, up the road a ways, the other Everything School in the SEC just lost another SEC series to their in-state rivals.
I’ll be cheering loudly for Michigan today in hopes that Tennessee is locked out of yet another Final Four, too. And no worries, Hillbillies…you’ll probably have your championship winning coach back next year the way the season is starting off for San Francisco.
FTMFs.
Your 3/27/2026 Reminder That Auburn Sucks: Final Fours
People, this is a real thing. When folks ask me about a bizarre happening in my life, I ask them, “could I make this shit up”? In this case, I can’t:
Yayyyy. We earned a participation prize.
That toilet paper usually is smeared with feces, so it’s only fitting that they adorn their campus with it whenever they accomplish the most middling or made up things.
And here I was thinking only Mr. Rodgers has a land of make believe in their house.
Shocker.
Pine Box Politics: Your 3/26/2026 Reminder that Auburn Still, Factually, Sucks
Shot:
Chaser:
To be fair, Tuberville did sit out a year after Auburn before taking the Texas Tech job in 2010, but didn’t sit out when he abruptly left there to go to Cincinnati in 2012. While Pearl has aspirations as a politician and Tuberville currently is one, I’m not sure that former Auburn coaches really need to be weighing in on NIL, the Portal, or probably even politics.
As always, Auburn sucks.
Your 3/19 Reminder That Auburn Sucks
Folks, this isn’t parody. Auburn actually posted this, and were genuine about it.
Of course, Pearl and the Aubies are rightfully mocked in the comment. Let’s focus on the 16 losses, and being gifted a team that won 32 games the year prior from your dad.
But Auburn’s gotta Auburn.
Your 3/18/2026 Reminder That Auburn Sucks
Golesh brings a new message to the Plains. Lookie here:
Be who you say you are. Reminds me of this, Barners:
Not kinda. Definitely.
Auburn is trash.
Monday Musings: Consolation Prizes
Well, Auburn at least made one tournament: the NIT.
Congrats to the Barners for having something to do in the post-season outside of firing coaches for the first time in the 2025-2026 athletic season. Way to go, buddy.
Anyway, as a conversation point for today…how do you feel about something like the NIT? Is it an insult to play, or at least some additional time for your decent team to continue playing ball? I see it as kind of like the bowl games (non CFP) that it can be entertaining and you can win something, but we’re not a program that would hang its hats on owning a “Pop Tarts Bowl” trophy nowadays, and something tells me that only Auburn would find a way to win the NIT and then claim they were National Champions in theory using this as proof from such a pyrrhic victory.
People would laugh at the thought, but we know Auburn does things like this and it seems they don’t really care what our thoughts are on the matter.
What are your thoughts?
Your March 15th Reminder that Auburn Sucks
In case you weren’t aware, Auburn barely finished above .500 on the season and there’s been much politicking for the Tigers to be in the Big Dance. No, I’m not kidding. Here’s proof.
To make it more laughable, the esteemed Bruce Pearl had been doing more stumping for his son’s team as a broadcaster, arguing that Auburn deserved a bid over formerly undefeated Miami of Ohio because of their record and “best win in the nation”. Of course, anyone outside of the inner circle of hell known as Auburn fandom called immediate bullshit on that, but Pearl stood his noble ground. Also, he went to the SEC Championship, and continued to do Bruce Pearl things:
I like driving in my truck.
Your March 3rd Reminder that Auburn Sucks
Man, am I glad we don’t find ourselves on this list.
Fun fact, Auburn appears here three times and, combined with the colossal failure that was Bayou Brian Kelly, make up over a third of the total buyouts on the graphic.
Must be something about a Tiger never changing its stripes, or something like that. I can only imagine what this will look like once Kiffin and Golesh are run out of dodge, especially Kiffin, which could happen within the next calendar year given Lane’s reputation and extra-curricular activities.