The weekend that was at MBG – week 6 edition

You just lost to John Mateer.

Saturday was glorious. I hope the pollsters find some reason to continue to disrespect us and move Notre Dame to #1. Anyway, on a day like this the message boards once again didn’t disappoint and our geniuses didn’t show up even when it felt the game may be slipping away.

Let’s start today’s trip in Louisville on Friday night for Mike Norvell’s throwing away all of his goodwill from the week before away with 1 play call.

On the road up 14 and instead of going up by 3 scores, Norvell decides to go for it on the 2 yard line and then calls a play where the ball gets thrown behind the line of scrimmage. I don’t know if a field goal there changes the eventual outcome, but it allowed the floodgates to open on the next play from scrimmage when Louisville has a 97 yard run to cut the lead in half. If you’re going to go for it there, either line up and run or make sure you throw the ball into the end zone.

Norvell is a dead man walking at this point. The question is whether they can raise the money to buy out his contract plus his assistants.

Ouch.

Let’s move on to Hogtown where it hasn’t taken long for the Handbags’ season to start free fallin’.

-3 turnover margin gets you beat most Saturdays, and, most of the time, that team gets run out of the building. Giving up 10 of 16 3rd downs is not a good look for a Handbag defense that has multiple loseable games on the schedule left on the schedule. I wonder what the ticket market for the Cocktail Party on the Gator side of MBS is like right now as they get ready to head to Austin for a date with Texas who deep down knows their faceplant in Hogtown last fall was the reason they weren’t in the CFP.

Jonny Boy is finding out really quickly how fickle Handbags are. At this point, the Florida-FSU game may end up on the ACC Network+.

Let’s head to CoMo to check on the mental state of Drink’s latest beatdown victim … Texas 8&4.

That first post is truly genius worthy, or maybe a T-sip posing as an Aggie pulls a great troll.

Could the Missouri game in November end up as the biggest home game of the year? After the last 2 weeks, that appears likely now. Texas A&M is officially on tilt after their defense gets shredded for 252 rushing yards.

On the other side, this stat line is horrible.

Yikes.

At 3-3, it could get ugly for Elko because the Aggie oilmen are more than happy to pay another buyout.

Speaking of little brothers, let’s look in on the Greater Opelika Cow College’s preparation for the DSOR (Dawgs, be loud on Saturday … no letdown).

Auburn fans are as bad as Tech nerds over their never-ending obsession with all things Bama. I’m not going to watch the Sa(t)an documentary for many reasons, but seeing a Barner call any program a bunch of cheaters is rich.

Let’s head to the west coast where the preseason national champions’ season is going up in smoke.

7 turnovers. 20:00 of time of possession. 73 yards rushing. 1 for 12 on 3rd down. Damn, just damn, Dan.

If Kirby decided he has had enough, Lanning would no longer be on my list of coaches I would want to pursue. He has every advantage a first time head coach would want, yet he finds ways to lose games where his team is more talented.

Let’s head to Dallas to check on the status of “Texas is back!” after Sark and Arch fail yet again.

To the genius that fires a stray at Kirby, I’m sure Kirby is worried about your opinion. Texas gets exposed by Oklahoma’s defense, and the Archduke is officially out of the Heisman race after throwing 2 backbreaking picks in the 4th quarter. Steve Sarkisian has to be looking at the fine print in his contract after this one. Oklahoma was dreadful on offense again, but Mateer makes 2 throws that make all the difference in crunch time.

That “best team money can buy” strategy appears to be exploding in Texass’s face. Speaking of programs overspending on NIL …

Let’s head back to horse/bourbon country to check in with the Corn Dogs after losing to Kentucky.

I know a lot of LSU fans aren’t that smart, but that genius doesn’t understand the basics of what $19 million really means. A quick Google search mentioned the following: A waterfront mansion in Ft. Lauderdale, a super-yacht, or a portfolio that generates $760k a year (conservatively without touching the principal).

On to the game itself, Kentucky goes for the win in the first overtime for the 2nd week in a row and lives to tell about it. If this keeps up Will Stein may be in line for SEC CotY. There isn’t a game left on the schedule that Kentucky can’t win starting on Saturday night in Norman where they open as a 6.5 point underdog.

On the other side, LSU is fortunate the game went to overtime after 2 turnovers in their own territory both resulted in no points. The Cajuns adored Kiffin in December and are now turning on him in October. They still have upcoming games against Texas and Alabama which I’m sure Disney will put at night in Death Valley.

This will hurt:

Let’s move on to our last spot of the night … west Alabama where the Dawgs win with a flair for the dramatic.

There’s been plenty of cloud storage used over the 36 hours about the officiating and the embarrassment of Fowler and Herbstreit. Dawg in Austin’s observations post from yesterday is a tour de force in analysis if you haven’t yet read it.

My take on Saturday night is that this was a win for the culture and values of the program as created by Kirby Smart. I have said for 10 years now that Kirby took the Process of Saban and put a human face on it.

Connection – Even when Sacovie muffed the punt (thank goodness for Blake Stewart), Kirby and some players made it clear that they were behind him. He made a clear fair catch of the next one.

Composure – It would have been easy for the team to lose their composure as Alabama turned the game in the 2nd quarter, but clearly the team did not leave the field for halftime discouraged.

Resilience – The first drive of the 2nd half was resilience in action. That was coming off the mat and pulling up the defense after the late 2nd quarter drive.

Physicality – The drive chart of the 2nd half was a beauty to behold: 8 plays, 75 yards, 4:22 (TD); 11 plays, 69 yards, 6:20 (Missed FG); 10 plays, 84 yards, 5:19 (FG); and 8 plays, 40 yards, 3:10 (End of game).

G.A.T.A.

What did you see this weekend that made you laugh out loud? Let us know in the comments.

The weekend that was at MBG – week 5 edition

Humility is always a week away, Jonny Boy.

As usual, the message boards did not disappoint in the usual locations including one that has been a frequent spot in the past. As the season continues, it’s clear there are a couple of places that have buyer’s (and seller’s) remorse on some recent decisions, and there are others where difficult decisions that are going to cost universities a lot of money are imminent. How quickly is the coaching carousel going to start turning? Let’s get going to see what’s happening.

We’ll start this week’s trip in the Windy City on Friday rather than Saturday as the Nittany Lions get their butts flat run over by Northwestern.

Northwestern runs for 413(!) yards against the once proud defensive stalwart Ped (sorry, Penn) State. 2 backs go over 160 yards, and the Wildcats average 7.5 yards per attempt. Joe Paterno is spinning in his grave, and all of the linebackers who once made Happy Valley LBU are probably ready to take Matt Campbell out for a little tackling practice. On the flip side, 48 yards rushing on 22 attempts is appalling for a program that made its reputation on physicality. When a coach leaves a place that has treated him right as Iowa State did with Campbell for years, I enjoy watching that coach fall flat on his face.

Moving on to Blacksburg where “Enter Sandman” couldn’t save the Hokies from a James Franklin face plant.

The Hokies blow a double digit lead at home to Pitt. They lose on a special teams mistake by missing what is not much more than a glorified extra point in a 36-yard field goal as time expired. -4 turnover margin, yikes. They were fortunate to have a chance to win with that kind of lopsided margin.

Let’s move on to the Land of 10,000 Lakes to check in on the Kyle Whittingham Experience at Michigan.

Michigan gets beaten by Minnesota, who got absolutely worn out at home by Mississippi State. Michigan has scored more than 20 points once this season … against UTEP. They generated all of 180 yards of total offense, and Barstool NIL QB Bryce Underwood looked awful again. But. The flip side Troy Bowles appears to be Michigan’s best defensive player, and he could make the 2-deep at linebacker at Georgia.

This graphic is a pretty good summary of Michigan football.

Karma is a bitch, Wolverines. There’s no doubt there should be a big asterisk by 2023.

Let’s head out west to check on the latest on the Men of Troy and the genius Lincoln Riley … yes, I understand they won.

USC comes back to beat Washington at home after falling behind by double digits. If that doesn’t happen, I’m betting Lincoln Riley may have been fired as early as Sunday morning. Life doesn’t get any easier for the Boy Wonder as as a home game against Jeremiah Smith and the Buckeyes and a November date at the defending national champion Hoosiers loom on the schedule. That’s without even mentioning the cross-town rivalry game with UCLA where Riley truly could be coaching for his job. Colin Cowpatty is hazzing a sad over this.

Let’s head back southeast to check on the state of college football in the Palmetto State … let’s just put it this way – it ain’t pretty.

With the “Enter Sandman” reference earlier in today’s feature, “Sandstorm” doesn’t save South Carolina from another blown double digit lead. Kentucky was left for dead after the 2nd half firebombing that Bama laid on them at Commonwealth Stadium (I can’t call it Kroger Field). It appears unlikely that Baby Beamer is going to last long enough for Kirby to drive the final nail in his career coffin in Columbia East. That job is a place where careers go to die. Is what South Carolina has become the result of pouring your NIL money into 2 players while neglecting the rest of the roster?

On the other hand, last night may have been Dabo’s last stand to maintain any credibility that he can turn things around at the Greater Anderson Cow College. I watched much of the first half, and it looked like Miami was just like a cat playing with a mouse before it finally decided it was time to go in for the kill. I wasn’t impressed with the Canes (I don’t get the money Miami spent on Mensah … he’s good, but he’s not this unstoppable force IMHO). Dabo is going to be given the opportunity to retire at Clemson on his own terms and be loved by their fan base. The game has truly passed him by at this point.

Let’s go back to Knoxville to check on the mental state of the Auburn Family post-loss to the Vols.

Auburn thought they were hiring their offensive genius in Golesh. What we’re finding out is that being successful at South Florida is a little different than the gauntlet that is the SEC. Byrum Brown looks terrible, and the Tigers’ defense got absolutely run over by Tennessee, who barely even tried to throw the ball. The fact they are saying that Drinkwitz wasn’t cool enough to be part of the Auburn family makes me laugh out loud.

Lather, rinse, repeat, Tiglesmen. We’re here for it.

That really was nothing but some context for our last stop of the weekend … Columbia, Missouri.

You knew this was eventually coming. The guy being claimed as the Gators’ savior is being dragged 5 weeks into his tenure as the Head Handbag. The Bloody Tuesday jokes write themselves after the way Missouri dominated Florida physically especially in the 2nd half. The 80-yard run they gave up to make it 45-10 was well blocked, and then the back just made the Gator secondary look awful. The “Won’t Back Down” serenade by the Missouri fans is just the chef’s kiss. I don’t know what that means for Halloween afternoon in Mercedes Benz Stadium, but I can imagine Kirby isn’t going to go easy on Jonny Boy.

A little bonus content from a genius at StinkTalk who has diagnosed their problem.

This is Nerd 101 kind of stuff. The next thing you know they’ll be hooking Key up to some biofeedback machine on the sideline to tell him when he needs to drink water. They are pathetic.

What did you see this weekend? Here’s to no UGA geniuses showing up in this space next Monday. GATA, Dawgs.

The weekend that was at MBG – week 4 edition

The day in a moment

The teams (except 1) at the top of the rankings flexed their collective muscles while others came crashing back down to reality. We saw the emergence of a future opponent we didn’t believe would be a challenge before the season. We saw another rival’s season officially go up in glorious flames.

Let’s start today on the banks of the Tennessee River where this week’s meteor game occurred.

Texas wins a game on the road where they don’t recover an onside kick, have a -2 turnover margin, and lose over 110 yards hidden yards in penalties including one of the most idiotic, tasteless celebration penalties you’ll ever see. The Longhorns generate 10 sacks and hold Tennessee to under 20 points.

Can we just stop the constant talk of how tough a place to play Kneeland Stadium is? The Tennessee faithful seem to be getting close to the end of their ropes with Heupel.

Let’s go up to the Big House to check in on the temperature of the Maize & Blue.

Talking about the Big 10 officiating screwing them is priceless. If they can’t beat Iowa at home, I don’t think Indiana, Oregon, UCLA(!) and Ohio State are too worried about Michigan especially on offense. You give up a kickoff return for a touchdown and take a likely sure 3 off the scoreboard by going for it on 4th and short. Regardless of what their record says, Michigan is 2-2.

Our next stop is the Kentucky Bourbon Trail to see how Louisville’s season seems to be imploding.

Yes, Cardinals, you aren’t a serious program. Karma is a bitch after your coach implies Georgia was scared to come play you. Wake Forest has become one of those programs that shouldn’t be competitive in this new world order of college football, yet they were competitive with Miami and has 2 Power 4 road wins.

Let’s swing into Hogtown to check on the Rebel Black Bear Land Sharks as they come crashing back to reality.

Florida runs (literally and figuratively) Ole Miss out of North Florida and drops half a hundred on them while doing it. 302 yards rushing, 60% 3rd down conversion and 2 players over 100 yards rushing each show us that Ole Miss is vulnerable on defense. Is Florida likely to be a tougher out on Halloween? Yes, but I also think we know the Faulkner offense now.

I give Pete Golding 2 years before he’s run out of Oxford.

Let’s drop into the Classic City in the aftermath of the Dawgs’ dismantling of the program that is destined to become the Nebraska of the SEC.

Stephen A. Smith was right this week when he told a former Sooner appearing with him … “You’re going to get your ass kicked.” That’s what happened on Saturday afternoon in Athens. The Dawgs play a C game on offense and beat Oklahoma by 28. If you had Ryan Puglisi taking snaps in this game on your preseason Bingo card, you may need to get to your closest casino.

John Mateer looked awful. Their offensive line was downright offensive especially in the run game where most of their 65 yards rushing came after the starting defense was on the sideline.

Chris Cole was everywhere. Talyn Taylor is becoming WR1 before our eyes. Special teams were spot on. This team continues to get better.

Jared Curtis is probably having nightmares already thinking about what awaits him Saturday afternoon.

Let’s head out west to check in on the Boy Wonder after his team shows their asses against Oregon.

Arrogant Nation gets smacked down by Oregon, and Dan Lanning lets west coast recruits know what the difference in the 2 programs is. America’s worst ChatGPT poet comes into the game after Dante Moore’s scary injury to lead the Ducks to the win. On the play in question, QBs should have to go to 1 knee to give themselves up. The hit wasn’t necessary and was about as vicious as it gets. The USC players’ celebration after the hit was as tasteless as Collin Simmons’s post-sack celebration earlier in the day.

That hit is what the targeting rule was meant to stop not some of the normal football plays where things happen when 2 large human beings collide.

Let’s come back east to drop into Tuscaloosa as things slowly come apart for the Gamecocks.

Dylan Stewart makes an ass of himself. Shane Beamer’s time at South Carolina is going to come to an end. South Carolina ran for 216 yards on Alabama but scored just 18 points. Bama has found their QB in Russell. The Cocks had a chance to jump on Bama early and missed a field goal due a penalty. The next drive they try on the dumbest version of a QB sneak on 4th down. Then the floodgates opened.

I believe the Dawgs are getting ready to go to Tuscaloosa and make a statement in 2 weeks.

Let’s move on to the Bayou where another former Big 12 SEC member’s season is officially on the brink staring into the abyss.

Texas A&M, you ain’t hiring Nick Saban. If Texas couldn’t convince him to leave Bama, you aren’t going to convince him to come out of a retirement that he seems to love. You need a quarterback more than anything. Marcel Reed is worse than John Mateer. At least, Mateer can make an accurate throw when given time.

I could have posted another submission making fun of Elko’s body shape, but that has gotten old.

Little brother is in trouble.

Let’s end this week’s trip as the Nerds of North Avenue fear the Tree in Palo Alto and StinkTalk didn’t disappoint. The end of the Drought draws nearer.

Ken Whisenhunt is the nerds’ Obi-Wan Kenobi. 12 penalties, -2 turnover margin, and 4th and 45 tell me they aren’t the geniuses on the field we’re supposed to believe they are.

The Jacketasses may not be a point spread favorite again this season (at home against Boston College may be the exception).

Pain is coming in Sanford in November, and I can’t wait to see us make them quit.

The only problem with that is that StinkTalk won’t be open for lurking. #firstworldproblems

What caught your eye this week? Let us know in the comments.

The weekend that was at MBG – week 3 edition

Maybe those pros would have helped you

We had a weekend with some upsets and one location of hate that boiled over in the genteel hamlet of Oxford. We had an inexplicable loss in College Station and a rout in Fayette Nam.

Let’s start our trip around the message board universe in Music City.

To say that loss is head scratching is an understatement. How you lose that game is a systemic failure across coaches and players. I didn’t see the run-up to the game’s last play, but if Doeren didn’t know if the QB knew what to do, call time out and tell him exactly what you want him to do. If you don’t trust Bailey to execute the plan, tell the punter to take the ball and run out of the back of the end zone for a safety or just punt.

Given some of the struggles Vandy has had this year so far, I expect us to inflict a lot of pain in 2 weeks’ time.

Here’s a brief text thread I had with a good friend who is a Pack fan (Dawg fan now, too).

Let’s move on to Fayetteville where the suits in Birmingham are keeping the Razorbacks down.

Both of the DPI calls were legitimate. Of course, the 2nd one should have never happened because Bobo should have run the ball on 1st down and scored. Of course it did lead to Helton’s clean-out of the Arkansas left side of its defense.

I admit I was worried that we weren’t going to be focused. After the first offensive series, that concern quickly disappeared. It does seem like a lot of us have gotten a bit spoiled about winning with style points.

Let’s head to back to the South Carolina Upstate where some geniuses don’t seem to like the makeup of the Clemson roster.

Clemson beats North Carolina (how long is the Belichick experiment going to continue) again. The Tigers scuffed around and eventually got the win, but UNC ran for a bunch of yards. Other than the Miami game, Clemson probably does have the talent (other than what the genius thinks) to win every other game on the schedule. They head out west for ACC After Dark in Berkeley (shakes head) before turning around to host Miami. If Saturday night goes sideways, there is no telling what folks in Greater Anderson will do.

Let’s head to Tuscaloosa where the Seminole faithful think Dumbo is their only hope after another loss post 63-3.

Florida State competed with Alabama until they didn’t. This game is a a perfect example of what the middle 8 are all about. Bama is down 21-6 entering the middle 8. They leave the middle 8 up by 2 after a TD on the opening drive of the 2nd half. Norvell completely mismanaged the end of the 2nd quarter especially on FSU’s last real possession before the half. Run it 3 times there and get a first down to then go hurry up or force Alabama to use their timeouts if they wanted to get the ball back. After the 2nd down sack, DeBoer smelled blood in the water and went after it. Still, FSU cut the lead to 7 late but then couldn’t get one more stop in Tuscaloosa.

The Alabama program has fallen so far off its perch that the crowd was doing the War Chant at the end of a game that honestly FSU had no business even being competitive in.

On the topic of the genius’s post, I’m sure Jimmy Sexton would love for those in Tallahassee to hire his client to wake up the echoes of Seminole football. After the way things ended in College Station with the best roster money can buy, I can’t see him bringing things back.

And speaking of geniuses with a smartphone.

Anytime Kanell twiXes, he ends up being community noted all over the place. Maybe he just wants the engagement, but the way people dunk on him online makes you feel sorry for him … almost.

Let’s cruise on down to College Station where once again Texas 8&4 is showing their true colors.

Every time the Aggies lose, their geniuses make light of Mike Elko’s weight. The real problem is that Marcel Reid is consistently overrated. He’s a turnover machine with both interceptions occurring deep in Kentucky territory where they killed scoring chances. Of course, Elko goes for a 4th and 1 in the red zone on the game‘s first drive and they don’t get it. Elko is talked about as this defensive genius, but 3 of Kentucky’s 4 TD drives are 75 yards or longer. That’s pretty lousy to me. He won games at Duke … big damn deal … he’s in the big leagues now and is probably going to a get a whopper of a buyout in a couple of year.

I hear Columbia, South Carolina is nice this time of year. The Cock faithful take it on the chin again but keep coming back for more.

I said before the season in the MP question that Shane Beamer was going to be the first head coach shown the door. After losing to Mississippi State, I see no reason to back off that prediction. South Carolina fans are a special breed … they keep buying tickets and supporting the program just to get let down by the program when it has a chance to make something positive happen. Kamario Taylor is becoming all of the things people said 18 months ago about LaNorris Sellers. That has to sting Gamecock fans.

Once again, unless something changes quickly, the Clemson-South Carolina game is looking like an old Jefferson Pilot noon game called by the Daves. It may be a loser leaves town kind of game if things go sideways.

Let’s check on the friendly folks from Norman after their near escape against New Mexico.

Oklahoma scores 14 and only runs for 61 yards against New Mexico. Barry Switzer has to be fit to be tied watching this (I honestly don’t know the status of his health) knowing that his Oklahoma teams would drop 70+ on teams like this back in the day. Oklahoma drops to #24 in the coaches poll and completely out of the AP poll. I expect the Sooners to put up a fight in Athens on Saturday afternoon. Sooner X is not hopeful at all about this weekend.

Our final stop is to check in on the Corn Dogs whose mouths wrote a check too big for their team to cash.

I didn’t stay up for the full game on Saturday night, but Ole Miss took it to LSU in the 1st half and still almost let it slip away. Of course, the Kiffin Kancer made the postgame all about what he did to make Ole Miss football matter to their fan base. Trinidad Chambliss is a special player no doubt about it. They aren’t going to finish the season unbeaten if they can’t run for more 60 yards in a game with a mobile quarterback. I wasn’t sold on either team entering the season, and I’m still not.

There are some special people on LSU message boards and the first post tagged is proof of that. By the way, I don’t think Chambliss should be playing.

That’s it for this week. If you saw something funny, let us know in the comments.

The weekend that was at Message Board Geniuses – week 12 edition

Sark, who’s your daddy?

This weekend saw one team virtually eliminated from the playoff race while a rival that team beat convincingly keeps its playoff hopes alive with a big victory on the road. The message boards were lighting up all over the place. Let’s start out today’s trip in Louisville to check on the temperature of the Greater Anderson Cow College fan base.

Clemson wins a game, and it pisses off a portion of the fan base. I’m guessing Dabo isn’t going anywhere unless he decides to do it. I don’t see Clemson joining the coaching carousel fray voluntarily at this point in this season unless major donors force their hand. Clemson lost the game everywhere except on the scoreboard (the one place that matters).

The Tyler from Spartanburg segment of the fan base clearly believes that championships are their birthright. They forget that Dabo brought them that success (and expectation) and that there used to be a thing called Clemsoning.

I don’t care what Clemson does, but I am here to watch the fallout.

Let‘s move on to College Station to see the smoking crater that is the South Carolina football program following the biggest choke job you’re going to see.

Clemson lost the first game in program history when scoring 45 or more points a couple of weeks ago at home against the University of New Jersey at Durham. South Carolina says, “Hold my beer, Tiggers” by breaking a 286 game SEC winning streak since 2004 when leading by 27+. Ouch.

I’m here for the chaos in the Palmetto State. The only thing South Carolina has to play for is to ruin the remainder of Clemson’s season in Columbia.

Let’s move on to Tuscaloosa to check on the Bammers after their most recent loss to Oklahoma.

Bammers can’t decide if DeBoer is the genius that holds the key to success against Georgia or if he’s a bumbling fool from the West Coast who doesn’t get it. The Sooners get a blocked field goal, a pick 6 and 2 more turnovers while only generating 212 yards of offense themselves. Bama still controls their own destiny to get to Atlanta with a win at Jordan-Hare in the Iron Bowl. F-bum is going to be glorious on Monday with the Bammer whining and the Georgia gloating.

Let’s move on to Oxford as the Rebel fan base wants closure on Kiffin’s decision one way or another.

The Handbags are officially “there’s no place like home for the holidays” after Saturday’s loss to Ole Miss in Oxford (snicker). The majority of Rebel fans want Lane to stay in Oxford, and Lane said he loves Ole Miss after the game.

I still don’t think he wants to leave to take a higher pressure job in an inferior location (Baton Rouge or Hogtown). The media and the airplane watchers are going to be watching what happens over the next week as Ole Miss starts its preparation for the Egg Bowl.

Let’s end today’s trip in the Classic City after the Dawgs flex their muscles against Texas again.

Why can’t we bottle what we show against Texas to use against another opponent (cough, cough … Alabama … cough, cough)? After the Dawgs bowed up to force a field goal on the game’s first possession, the defense really allowed nothing except when put on a short field after the 3rd quarter interception.

Gunner Stockton > Arch Manning. I don’t think there’s much more to say than that.

On any remaining debate of Kirby vs. Sark, I’ll let a good follow on Dawg X who commented frequently at GTP summarize it for you:

While we’re on the topic of the win in Athens, let’s look in on the nerds’ take on Saturday night.

Talk about not being a ball-knower in this situation. I guess when it takes a last second field goal to beat a (checks notes) 1-win Boston College team, all you can do is to take a shot at your rival. Black Friday is coming, nerds. You’re going to get our best shot since we’re not likely to be in the SEC championship game. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

What did you see this weekend? Let us know in the comments.