Hello, friends, I’m here to help!*

I hear it all the time, just like you do: “I hate pimento cheese, that just sounds nasty.” Or, “I had some one time, and it was gross.”

My guess is that you were eating what we call down south “store bought” pimento cheese.  

I hate that stuff, too.  

Of all the storeboughts, Palmetto Cheese is almost passable, but not quite. My poor parents, the Mr. and Mrs. Dawglicious, Sr., buy this stuff because of the arthritis.** To my taste, storebought pimento cheese just isn’t sharp enough and the grating is too thick from a texture standpoint.

If you are willing to try something different (and want to get a pretty close approximation of what they serve at the Masters based on my self-study of a month’s worth of ANGC on-site taste testing), here’s the Dawglicious recipe for homemade pimento cheese!***

8 oz block of extra sharp cheddar cheese, hand-grated as finely as possible. (If you buy the pre-shredded bags of merely sharp cheddar, you run the high risk of it tasting store bought!) Buy the block, put some “elbow grease” into it, and use the smallest grate you have. My grandfather swore it made it taste better.   Grocery store brand extra sharp is OK, but Cracker Barrell or Cabots is better.

1/2 cup Dukes mayonnaise (or if Dukes is unavailable, Hellman’s or Blue Plate. Anything but Kraft and certainly not Miracle Whip.) 

Small 4 oz jar of diced pimentos, drained. 

1/2 tsp of black pepper and a 1/2 teaspoon of onion powder.

1 tbsp of No Salt Cavenders seasoning (you can always add salt to taste later, the cheese is plenty salty) If you don’t have No Salt Cavenders, double the pepper and onion powder above, add 1 tsp garlic powder.

Optional: a tiny pinch of cayenne pepper.  

Combine all ingredients and really mix well with a sturdy spoon.  You may be tempted to add more Dukes but you’ll run the risk of it tasting more like mayo than cheese.  Just work it in good, it’ll be enough!

Spread on Sunbeam white bread for the Masters experience, or use your favorite bread.  Tastes great with celery or on your cracker of choice.  I like a Ritz or a Triscuit.

Enjoy! Discuss your feelings or recipes for pimento cheese in the comments.

Your humble hand-grater of cheese,

Dawglicious

*Whether you want it or not

**Just so you don’t think I’m not a loving son, I make 2 pounds of this at a time so I can give them a reprieve from storebought. I feel so guilty when I visit and see that pale-ass processed blandness in their fridge.

***Yes, I know I just did that thing that aggravates every Internet Recipe Hunter by making you scroll through the personal story of my nearly inappropriate relationship with homemade pimento cheese. It is only because I care so much about you, our loyal Refugees, that I do so. Plus, it’s the offseason and content is scarce.