99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Posted on by

In conjunction with Otis’s countdown posts, why not while away the hours and 99 days remaining by throwing out one of our other game day staples: cold, tasty beer. To start the serenade, let’s break down an American classic: Pabst Blue Ribbon.

A dollar a piece at Nowhere Bar. You did it, and I did it, too.

Let’s face it, we might not have one of these sitting in our refrigerators nowadays, what with our refined palates and dinners that don’t involve nuggets or peanut butter sandwiches.

No, we are more than likely to have 99 of these in our refrigerators.

Hell, why not. I wasn’t doing anything this month, anyway.

Family pack? Maybe somewhere in Tennessee, I guess. Junior’s cuttin’ his teeth and somethin’s gotta shut him up…the Vawls are on the TV.

Tasting notes:

  • Aroma: Light, grainy maltiness.
  • Appearance: Clear, light golden color with a medium-soft white head.
  • Texture: Light, bubbly, crisp.
  • Taste: A grainy malty body with a light crisp hoppiness that adds a cleanness to the flavor.
  • Finish/Aftertaste: Not much: a light crisp, sharp, fast-clean hoppiness.

Might I add, PBR pairs well with:

  • Poverty
  • Despair
  • Divorce
  • Desperation
  • Taco Bell, any time, any day
  • That chick in Apartment 1407, Tammy or Tiffany, I don’t really remember
  • High School
  • A grey 1982 Honda Accord, with a fading luggage rack and cassette player
  • Hog hunting, or at least that’s how it started out until Uncle Billy shot himself in the foot and we had to run him to the “hospital” in Warm Springs
  • Sweatpants
  • Winston filterless or Virginia Slims, the ones that are value sized at a healthy 13 inches long
  • The Red Coconut Mobile Home Community Center (read: the Mr. Turtle pool by Leroy’s broken down Gremlin)
  • Freebird, which has been playing on a continuous loop all night, and you just realized it as you woke up passed out and upside down on your collapsed futon with one earbud jammed inside your cochlea and the other later found inside your Copenhagen can
  • A culvert

Up Next: Honey Brown

52 thoughts on “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”

  1. My father always kept PBR in a cooler at his marina, even though it wasn’t legal to sell. In the afternoons you could count on finding an open one hidden behind the adding machine. When he was outside I usually would ‘borrow’ a few sips. I was 12-15. Don’t think he ever noticed, if he did, he never said anything. Hey, you gotta help the old man out, amirite? 😜

  2. My first time drinking PBR me and a group of buddies were going to Columbus to see Bocephus in concert. We were about to restock on beer for the ride up there and one of them kept telling me we needed to get some PBR. I laughed it off but he was adamant. “Man it’s only three dollars and something a twelve pack!” He kept repeating this. I finally went along with it and somewhere on the way to the concert I remember thinking, “Tastes like three dollars and something a twelve pack too.”

    That was another place and another time. PBR stopped being the go to for Bubbas and Billys a long time ago and became the beer of choice for hipster doosh bags. You want a good redneck beer? Miller Lite. Or Coors Light. I’m a Coors Light man myself which kind of proves my point.

    • Yes, about 15 years ago or so, PBR became the neckbeard slumming brew of choice. They got so lost in irony they forgot what was ironic about what they were doing. I think IPAs that taste like fermented pine cones and nail polish remover have replaced PBR as their go-to but, seeing as I’m old and out of touch, maybe they’ve moved onto something else (Champale?) by now.

      • Some of the micro brews and IPAs are good. Some of them taste like water that had a rusty spud wrench laying in it. As they say, an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

    • Excellent choice for beer can chicken (use the tall boys)…GO DAWGS!!

    • Monty Python Australian Wine. When I first heard it on the radio on the way to work I thought it was real. I almost ran off the road laughing when it got to the Cockney Rod Laver

  4. Moe’s n Joe’s on N. Highland in ATL still has daily PBR specials, including $2 tall boys on Wednesdays….”sippin’ on a tall boy!” We used to walk over there a lot in the early 2000’s when a group of us lived around the corner with no major responsibilities, other than to barely hold down a job. Ahhhh, life was simpler then.

  6. Tuesday night $5:PBR pitcher special at the dive bar across from the Georgia Theater back in the ‘80’s. “Friends” maybe?

    • That’s Nowhere Bar! I could have sworn that Uptown Lounge had a Friday happy hour special for PBR too, but can’t recall what it was.

      • Nowhere Bar started in 1994 by Craig “Sky” Hedwig, I’ve been working on putting together a story about him. I was a Nowhere Bar regular and those PBR specials. Great times and fuzzy memories, lots of pool.

        • i am old enough to recall his days at the Fifth Quarter, which in the late 70s somehow became ironically country on Thursday nights. But I did learn about David Allen Coe and Willie nelson there, for which I am grateful. And the double decker bus. Good times, eh?

        • Sky started Nowhere bar in addition to his other place on Atlanta Hwy? Loved that place.

        • That explains my ignorance on the history of Nowhere Bar, as 1994 was my freshman year. Apologies to FlyingPeakDawg!

        • Hartwig. But yeah, Sky was great. We loved him at Swino’s/5th Quarter.

    • Was that The Odyssey back in the late ’80’s/early 90’s? I vaguely remember shooting pool while drinking shitty cheap beer there. I miss college…

  7. When I was living at Myers Hall, there was a guy who had privileges to shop at the Naval Supply School off Prince Ave. For me and my friends, that meant a case of this:

    https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/447/6337/

    for $6.

    As I understand it, this is the beer that fell on the floor while brewing/canning Papst’s more respectable brands, like PBR.

    Anyone out there remember $1 pitcher night at O’Malley’s? Natty Light!

    • in the spring of 77, if you brought your own gallon milk jug to a place on pumpkin, near the golden pantry at 5 Points, you could get a gallon of old Milwaukee draft for 99 cents. I don’t remember a lot about that spring.

        • Pumpkin says…”Hold mine $.99 beerz”…”We got alot to drink about”….

      • Beauregard’s in Dahlonega had a similar deal where you could bring a gallon jug and get it filled with PBR. We could then go to the bridge with our guns and have an alcohol infused target practice episode with cans, rocks etc. That was such a great time, I had PBR and pizza for my last promotion party before retirement in reminiscence…

    • Freshman year, 1974, at Russell Hall, EOM when everyone on the hall was out of money, we’d pool our change and walk to the beer store just up Baxter behind the dorm and buy Red, White & Blue for like 4.00 a 12 pk. Damned stuff had no head and fizzed like soda if you poured it into a glass. Went flat in 60 seconds.

      On a good day they’d have Old Milwaukee.

      • One of my ’74-’75 Milledge Hall dorm buddies would always calculate his checkbook balance by how many cases of Old Milwaukee he could buy with his lowly funds. An Ag Econ major.

      • what hall? 5N here. Remember the end of winter quarter night of streaking? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

        • Oh, Hell yeah!! I was there for that too. Got the T-shirt. One of my son’s prized possessions.

  9. Great Job on the Refugee site JP…I really didn’t think I could ever bring myself to fully embrace it again after the heartbreak but you are doing a wonderful job and I’m sure the Coach Dooley, James Brown, the Senator and RR are all smiling down on you…

    • Much appreciated. It’s a pleasure to post content but the bigger joy is reading everyone’s thoughts and shared experiences. It’s great to have a community to huddle up with. Go Dawgs!

  10. Did any of y’ins ever indulge in Drewry’s? IIRC, it was $5 a case in 1985/6. Suburban legend had it that it was brewed with formaldehyde. That probably wasn’t true but a friend of mine drank 20 or so one night and came to late the next morning with spots on his skin.

    • Yep. “If you want a beer real bad, we’ve got a real bad beer.” I think that was a commercial for another brand but if the shoe fits…

      Also Stroh’s Light because it came in 15/30 packs. My head hurts just thinking about it.

  12. Welp, I have PBR and Miller Lite as my neighbor beer in my shop fridge right now…I have been known to drink my weight in both.

    Bluto, God rest his soul, would often scold me (on GTP) that life was too short to drink bad beer…but I still hold the position, by the 6th one you really don’t give a shit…🧐

    Drink up, gents and go Dawgs!

    • Frozen, life is to friggin’ short for those that may object about your favorite adult beverage…We raise our glass/red solo cup and drink to you…GO DAWGS!!

  14. Some of the “Pairs well with” list had me & my son in tears. Outstanding work!

    • I gotta admit: The “Ear bud in the Copenhagen can” hit a little close to home…LMAO

  15. This post made me truly laugh. But I do give Pabst some credit for coming up with the 99 pack

Comments are closed.