To Bobo or Not to Bobo

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Based on the fact that I thought many of our commenters had abandoned the site until I posted Kirby’s defense of Mike Bobo yesterday, consider that a teaser headline. But it reminds me, sometimes, we may need an emotional support animal to calm us down and bring a smile to our faces, and make us forget the nuanced decisions of our beleaguered signal caller.

Let me introduce you to the latest, greatest internet sensation to bring a ray of sunshine to you…Jimothy.

Jimothy has a bit of a spinal deficiency which makes him squatter and gives him a shortened tail. And despite his typical raccoon habits of nocturnal dumpster diving and thievery, the saga of Jimothy is warming the hearts of the internet faster than Pamela Anderson on dial up back in the day.

If a squished raccoon can’t do it for you, though, here’s some other options.

Quokka

Look at it…LOOK AT IT! It’s cute as hell with a perpetual smile…with a word of caution, though, it’s from Australia which means it’s going to be impossible to smuggle here (note: you’ll probably find a whole herd in Florida soon) or as most Outback animals go, it’s probably filled with a diarrhea inducing nerve chemical that will render you into a vegetative state with one bite. You still want one though…

If you want a more domestic option, here’s another idea:

Rabbit

If you ever desired to have a life lesson in what “effing like rabbits” really means, coupled with having your house smell like a horse farm on a hot summer day, get a rabbit. Like gremlins, they reproduce with a little water and will do it in insane numbers. Buy two, and you’ll have 20 in a month. And that’s not the best part…the real horror begins when you discover that rabbits don’t really make for great parents. They’ll stomp out their undesired litters with such disregard that you’ll almost forget that they have teeth that are twelve feet long, they chew through electrical cord like you chew through a twizzler, and they will leave holes in everything with one bite, including car fenders. And if you try to pick one up and stop it from doing anything, it’ll make a sound so piercing and violent that only Hannibal Lecter would smile.

Tend the rabbits, my ass. Squish them with extreme prejudice, Lenny.

No, maybe something fuzzier and cuter is more your speed…how about…

Panda

Have you ever wanted an animal that weighs as much as your deadbeat in-law and behaves with similar drunken behavior? As they live in your spare room? Then the Panda is for you. Once an endangered species, probably by their own battles with gravity, the panda is the least threatening of the bear family. Honestly I’m not even sure that bears count them as part of the family. Menacing? No. Agile alpha predators? No, they eat bamboo and let the sugars ferment until they’re drunker than a poet on payday. If it’s an alpha predator you desire, here’s another option…

Bison

It’s not a Buffalo, you uneducated buffoon. Buffalo are found in Asia or somewhere overseas…we have real deal bison. And if you play your cards right, they’ll play with you and toss you in the air like a ragdoll. That ten foot trip through the heavens will take your mind off Mike Bobo for a while as you strategically try to position your head away from the rapidly approaching ground and try to get to your feet to get away from the sweet animal. And if the short flight in the air isn’t exciting enough, the Lifeflight to Grady will make you forget anything and everything about bubble screens and draw plays…maybe forever.

So what’s your go-to therapy animal?

11 thoughts on “To Bobo or Not to Bobo”

  1. First of all, this post has me completely laughing out loud. Second of all, I call bullshit on the quokka. There’s no way there’s something that fucking cute on this planet.

  2. I was talking with friends yesterday and asked them how exited they are about the upcoming football season. Their responses ranged from, “I am almost excited about football” to, “I am still in baseball mode”. The offseason centers around NIL, transfer portal, playoff expansion, lawsuits, and conference threats of suseeding from the NCAA. Who gets excited about the business of college football? Look at what has happened to signing day, once one of the most anticipated days on the calendar for fans. Signing day has been reduced to out bidding, over playing, and budget restraint conversations. College football is no longer a year round game for me. I can’t speak for everyone, but my passion for the game I once loved is at an all time low. This is not the sport I fell in love with.

  4. I’m in summer sports hibernation. Wake me up on Labor Day.

    • “Well, he left his home for Yellowstone with a dream and a fifth of rye. He parked his truck and thanked his luck when the buffalo came by. He had cowboy pride, boy he could ride, but the signs he did not read. Some folks die from being dumb, but nobody dies from weed.”

  6. This time of year doesn’t excite me. Too much talk and not enough action. Think l heard that in a song!!! Come on fall!!

  8. ‘warming the hearts of the internet faster than Pamela Anderson on dial up back in the day.’
    Holy shit man! Hammer meet nail. As a 49 yr old male just let me say – that might be your finest written line in the history of this Refugee thing. Kudos, and how could the Senator not be proud?😀

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