Desperate for cash? Make sure you’re paying attention to what’s happening in Utah right now, okay?

Utah needed money, Otro Capital offered a mirage of an oasis to a parched program, and the next thing you know, the university is $500 million to the good — and still firing employees. 

Check me if I’m wrong, Sparky, but half a billion seems like enough cash to keep everyone employed. 

In an email sent to athletic department employees and obtained by the Salt Lake Tribune, Utah athletic director Mark Harlan described the firings as — are you ready for this? — “impacted employees” of an “unsettling process” during their “transition.”

Then came the official response from an athletic department spokesperson, and it wasn’t much better. 

“In preparation for the growth of Crimson Brand Partners, the university has begun the process of transitioning select units of some university operations to the new company. The first step of that process requires the discontinuation of the individual positions in those units through a reduction in force (RIF), to be followed by CBP’s hiring process.”

So a massive infusion of cash results in…downsizing? Sounds about right.

That’s gotta be worth a uniform patch or a helmet sticker, amirite?