I found a good use of ChatGPT. It certainly has gotten better since Dylan Raiola’s poet laureate flip poem.
“Dan’s Gone”
An SEC heartbreak ballad
A Hogtown heartbreak anthem — smooth70s soul meets Gator football misery
[Verse 1]
Everybody thought we found the one,
When Dan came rolling into town.
He’d won some games in Starkville,
Now he was gonna turn us around.
He brought the spread, he brought the swagger,
Had the Swamp ready to explode.
We were dreaming of championships,
And a bright orange, blue-and-orange road.
[Pre-Chorus]
But something happened Saturday,
The magic slipped away.
The defense couldn’t stop a thing,
And the fans had hell to pay.
[Chorus]
Dan’s gone! Oh, why’d we have to fire him?
Dan’s gone! The glory days, they wouldn’t come.
We thought we’d be the kings of the SEC,
But now we’re staring at failed coach number 3.
Dan’s gone! And Hogtown’s crying in the sun.
[Verse 2]
There was Kyle Trask lighting up the sky,
Pitts was catching everything.
We nearly crashed the championship party,
Thought we’d found our golden ring.
Then came the losses, came the questions,
The clock was ticking loud.
A shoe went flying through the darkness,
And the Gators lost the crowd.
[Pre-Chorus]
The defense kept on breaking,
The faithful kept on waiting.
The boosters started making calls,
And the whole damn Swamp was shaking.
[Chorus]
Dan’s gone! Oh, why’d we have to fire him?
Dan’s gone! The glory days, they wouldn’t come.
We thought we’d be the kings of the SEC,
But now we’re staring at failed coach number 3.
Dan’s gone! And Hogtown’s crying in the sun.
[Bridge – slow, soulful, dramatic harmonies]
Ohhh, we had our hopes up high…
Three years of wondering why…
From Atlanta dreams to Jacksonville pain,
We thought we’d never see this day again.
Now Jonny’s standing on the sideline,
Trying to put the pieces back in place.
And somewhere out in Vegas, Dan’s got a smirk on his face.
[Final Chorus – BIG harmonies]
Dan’s gone! Yes, that Gator love has faded!
Dan’s gone! And all our dreams have been delayed.
We had the talent, we had the name,
But somehow couldn’t win the game.
Dan’s gone! Somebody tell Steve Spurrier!
[Outro – falsetto harmonies fading away]
He’s gone…
That Miss State man is gone…
Ohhh, Dan Mullen…
You had us believing…
But now…
The Swamp moves on.
Here are a couple of the greatest hits of why Mullen isn’t in Hogtown:
Give me a good couple of verses in the spirit of Hall & Oates here in the comments.
In memory of Ranger Russ
FTMFs
He’s gone, he’s gone
Oh I, Oh I
I better learn how to face it
He’s, he’s gone
Oh I, Oh I
I’d pay the devil to replace him
He’s gone, he’s gone
Oh why, what went wrong?
FTMF’S
What, dan’s gone…”Say it isn’t so”…#FTMF!!
Well played, DIW.
Just shows how far the Gators have fallen when you pine for the Good Ol Days of Dan Mullen.
I am so glad and feel blessed to have had all this happen in my football watching life. There was a time none of this seemed even possible. They have gone from beating us even when they had no right to, to losing to us so much they have given hope of beating us again. Things have gone from us trying emulate them to the point of making a terrible AD hire in McFrugal just because he worked there, to them trying to g to be us and instituting Bloody Tuesday. We have beaten their asses so much thry want Dan Mullen back. Thank you, Jesus. I never thought I would see these times.
Except for their 15 year run win the Old Ballsack and Corch, the Gators are right back to where they’ve been historically. They’ve always been a mid tier program.
Including the very best clips of Dan’s glory years was the chef’s kiss. I do miss watching his smug ass getting whipped.
Another reminder just how go we have it now.
Remember his quote when he arrived about us being like a blind squirrel that finds an acorn every now & then.
FTMF
When you’re longing for Dan Mullen, pickins are slim.
If you were born in 2000, started watching football with interest at the age of 10, you are now building your career, maybe married, starting a family, and only know that Florida sucks. Auburn too. Tech is irrelevant. Can’t understand why Texas ever thinks they are back. OU is a novelty and TAMU is only a rumor, never seen. Plus you were in school for B2B. What a charmed life!
I remember when Auburn was the team we couldn’t beat, then Tennessee, then Florida and then Bama. It seems like “WE” are “THAT” team to other teams now. I love it and appreciate it more than people who never saw us struggle through the Jan Kemp era in the 1980’s and the Ray Goff coaching experiment. It was also difficult waiting between 1980 to 2021 before we actually won another championship while many other SEC teams won it all, but at least we doubled up in 2022 as icing on the cake before everything changed.
The things that I hate now are (1) NIL – became a thing just as we were about to be the dynasty team, preventing teams from stacking depth, (2) unimited transfers while paying players ridiculous amounts of money where you have to try to keep your team together every year or lose players to the highest bidder (goes for high school recruiting too) and (3) 24 team playoff about to water down the sport and allow mediocre teams in the playoff.
I wouldn’t be so sure we are done. I wouldnt be so sure ever has changed. Kirby basically said the other day thry have figured this new landscape out now. Sucks to be everybody else.
Go New Mexico Lobos!!!
On paper Mullen looked like the perfect Florida coach. In reality he should have never left Mississippi State. He won fairly consistently at a school where expectations are middling, at best. Yet his first three seasons at Florida were pretty successful, but when he proved unable to immediately provide championships, they turned on him in a hurry, The stories leaking out about his lack of interest in recruiting (and relying on a Todd Grantham defense) doomed his tenure, and Kirby, without mentioning his name, absolutely buried him with that statement after the ’21 Florida game. I’m sure there are Florida fans that in hindsight regret the quick hook they gave Mullen, but that’s their problem. FTMF.
I don’t remember laughing harder than I laughed watching this video for the first time. It might still be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
Thank you! I totally forgot about this one. Maybe the greatest of its kind. I was as bad off as the host first time I watched. Still great today.
Just watched it again, and it’s as funny as ever. I love the end: “[Mullen] didn’t want to look at any shoes. He took away all the players’ shoes. They had to walk around barefoot for a month.”
bloody hell that’s funny.
‘A’ – Always
‘B’ – Be
‘C’ – Crootin’
Always be crootin’.
ALWAYS BE CROOTIN!!!!!!!