If you follow social media at all, you are well aware that the most insufferable pack of assholes on socials are Tennessee fans. Their recent success in anything but football has lead the Bobby Hillbillies to stake claim over other fan bases something that I’ve never heard of in my life:
Everything School
I had a delightful exchange with one such fan yesterday:
Apparently Tennessee has won a few SEC Cups in recent years, but you see my point. They’ve been embarrassed on a national stage in football more times than I can count, usually at the hands of Kirby Smart. Their biggest claim to fame lately has been baseball, where they are admittedly good, though their stadium’s dimensions are laughably little league whenever they boast about their home run totals.
It’s good back-patting if you can get it though. Still, I don’t recall Georgia fans flocking to socials to celebrate an Equestrian National Championship and declaring themselves to be the kings of everything. Fact is, most folks don’t care. It’s nice, but not something that someone who watched their team get taken behind the Columbus woodshed and beaten soundly would brag about.
Then again, we aren’t Tennessee folks, and that’s a good thing.
There is much to crow about in Athens. We have a hot men’s basketball program, Tennis is doing great, softball has a solid squad, gymnastics are starting to return to form, and our baseball team is making a resurgence into relevancy the past two years.
And Kirby Smart is still our football coach.
Enjoy another coffee table book on your teams of horseshoes and hand grenades, Vowels. It might be a shorter story than you know.
LOL! I was going to say that Tennessee football may have finally reached .500 in the SEC for this century, but nope! They are 100-102 in the SEC since 2000.
BTW, we’re 150-51 in conference during that same stretch.
…and Foley Field is not a big park either.
Just the short porch on Kudzu Hill
Tooth Nation X is insufferable, and they obsess with anything Georgia.
Relocating to the metro ATL and being a mouthy rabid VOL fan is not a recipe for success.
Ever since the days of the hillbilly Machiavelli, diastema nation has been at the top (bottom?) of my shit list. Dirty programs even by the standards of other dirty programs, led by witless goons, with a fan base of insufferable mouth breathers.
True story: I went to the 1987 Peach Bowl (TN vs. Indiana) because I had nothing better to do during the holiday break than freeze my ass off at AtlFulCo. My date and I were in the middle of a pack of hillbillies, who I’d say were parodies of Tennessee fans if only reality wasn’t more ridiculous than parody. Anyway, I joked with my date, “What do you bet their big day out ends at Po’ Folks?” And – swear to God – about two minutes later, one of the most vocal Fulmerites shouted out to the gathering, “How ’bout we get some Po’ Folks after this?!” To which, several of his fellow Rocky Toppers heartily replied, “Hell yeah!”
Don’t diss Po’ Folks. I would take peak Po Folks over Cracker Barrel. 😉
Glass house and all: Whispering Bill Anderson, the Po’ Folks spokesman (and writer of the eponymous song), was a much older fraternity brother of mine.
I’d go once a year for the country fried steak and leave feeling so bloated and disgusted with myself that it’d take another year for me to want to go back. Anyway, I didn’t so much intend to bad-mouth Po’ Folks as to say there were fancier ways to cap off a day in the big city.
(BTW, Krystal operated Po’ Folks. Weird corporate portfolio there.)
The country fried steak and fried chicken were excellent, but you didn’t feel like doing much after.
Well I mean, we’re talking about the fan base that burning mattresses because Lane Kiffin left. A buddy of mine who is a Vowel tokd me just before they hired Jeremy Fuckin Pruitt “This is Tennessee. We don’t have to settle for a former Saban coordinator.” These are the people who made excuses for Butch Please while the rest of the conference saw him for what he was. They even tried to defend the trash cans. They think that NC in 1998 makes them college football royalty.
Now, I have this song stuck in my head.
Everything is cool.
Everything Schools are schools that suck at football, literacy, hygiene, lack of venereal disease, Christianity and Patriotism (not necessarily in that order). Winners win, celebrate for 24hrs, relax, review and reengage to maintain the standard (harder that the climb, tbh). Losers lecture you on the the hidden “things” they won (like women’s basketball) and micro slice in little statistical dunks on social media that mean absolutely nothing.
Example: Tommie Brady doesn’t tell you he’s a winner, he’s likker’d up at the parade tossing the Lombardi Trophy (perfect spiral, btw) to Gronk on another boat.
All the home runs in the world don’t make it on the scoreboard we’re pointing and laughing at in Football games…