This is well worth the 18 minutes to watch. I wished this had been my commencement speech when I graduated UGA back in 1998.
We are in the season of graduations and commencement speeches. The one above is one of the best I’ve heard this season. His advice on the six strings is wise words and would resonate with me beyond the ceremony. I have to say most of the ones I’ve heard in my time don’t resonate.
The world breaks everyone. Afterward, the best of us are stronger at the broken places.
Amen.
Life isn’t fair. I can’t argue with that, it’s as true today as it’s ever been. We try to tiptoe through the garden and avoid the nasty things but life has a way of shoving them in your face and making you deal with it. Many of your here are lawdawgs, and you know as well as anyone that life is cruel, ugly, and without remorse. And often…unfair. If you’ve been an EMT or a first responder, you’ve seen this in grotesque ways. I only asked to be a humble educator, but in my time in administration, I’ve seen more public horrors and nauseating things than I care to recount.
That’s life.
If I had to go back to my younger self, sitting there at a commencement speech, and had to look at younger me and give me a piece of advice as a commencement, it’d be this, from Hunter S. Thompson:
You bought the ticket, now take the ride.
As soon as I made a conscious choice to be a committed, rational, and educated person, I likewise chose, unconsciously, to realize that life is illogical, people are crazy, and I won’t be able to see eye to eye with that. Like Church said above, my resilience would wear thin. The community will sand down your edges and you’ll slowly become a dull version of what you are today.
The truth, though, is that resilience comes from our response to things, not from the things themselves. And folks, you’re not always going to win. You’re not always going to succeed. Failure is as much a part of life as winning, and the failure makes you love the win even more. Somehow, as a younger version of myself, I thought because I followed the rule, I’d end up on the up side of life.
As Anton Chigurh said in No Country For Old Men, “if the rule you followed brought you to here, of what use was the rule?”
My advice to my younger self would be when you find yourself in a place where you never expected to be and facing things you never asked for, you have a few choices:
- Stay where you’re at, and accept the consequences that come as a result of freezing.
- Fight where you’re at, and enjoy the rewards you reap when you went to seizing, even if they weren’t the intended rewards.
- Be defeated where you’re at, and set your self to people pleasing. And don’t be surprised when you realize it’s not you you’re pleasing.
In that case, there’s really only way. Fight. And if you never thought you’d be a fighter, start telling yourself that you are. Because if you aim to make everyone else happy, the one guarantee in life is the one person who won’t be happy, will be you.
So, for today’s Fodder…what bit of advice do you wish you could give your younger self that you’ve had to learn the hard way? What would’ve resonated with your 18 or 22 year old self as a commencement message?
Discuss.
Start my own business vs working for a company.
1) financial: Use credit as little as possible. Any interest over 3% is a bitch.
If you can’t pay off a house in 15 years, you can’t afford that house.
If you can, own, don’t rent. Don’t buy a new vehicle just because you want it.
Buy a good truck. Drive it until the wheels come off.
Nothing better than no truck and mortgage payments. Make yourself rich, not a bank.
2) career: you are worth, and barely, what you make for someone else. And they think the next guy will do it good enough and cheaper. As soon as you can, be your own boss. Its scary, but once you’ve done it you’ll regret not doing it sooner.
3) life choices: better looking doesn’t mean better in any other way. It often returns less. 3 categories: 1) you’ll be seen in public with them. 2) sure, why not, if no one finds out. Also known in the industry as a “moped.” 3) no fucking way in hell, ever.
Never trade within 1 over looks. If you’re dumping a 7 for an 8, or an 8 for a 9 etc…, just because of some perceived surface upgrade, you’re fucking it up. Any woman within 1 will do fine and what matters is everything else but looks.
4) don’t look for love until you’ve established yourself. Look for a good time. Keep it casual. But everything that works when you’re a teenager or in college will not necessarily work when you’re 30. Different expectations. Different needs. You may get lucky before then, but likely you’re deluding yourself. If you can, don’t marry a woman before she’s 27-28. If she’s divorced or been with a real asshole or two, all the better. Otherwise you’re competing with the prince on a majestic white steed who she’s known since she’s 8 is bound to come by any minute to sweep her away and you’ll pale in comparison. What you want is: “well he’s employed, regularly showers, no gambling or substance abuse issues and he doesn’t hit me in the mouth. Good enough.” That’s a bar you can jump.
5) don’t trust no one but your momma and keep a close eye on her too. This doesn’t mean be a neurotic paranoid asshole. It just means that in a very real sense, you are on your own. You come in alone, you’ll go out alone, and everything in between is tenuous. There is nothing that you can do about that. Come to terms with it.
6) the idea that you can control any other person is bullshit. Its an illusion. Don’t expect it. Don’t rely on it. Be hopeful. Do your best, but at the end of the day everyone else is going to do what they do. Whether you like or you don’t like it. The only person you have any hope of controlling is yourself, and that can be a challenge in itself. So be the best you can be and let that be enough, because that’s really all you can ever do.
7) philosophies, organized religions, ideologies are all ultimately inadequate. You may find one that may make good structures from which to analyze life/issues from but ultimately they will all fall short. There is no philosophical, religious or political ideology that suits every time, place, person or circumstance. The deeper you embrace any of them, especially to the exclusion of others, the farther up your own ass your head travels. The world is far too complex for any stringent rules. Be open minded. Be flexible. Be thoughtful.
8) Always follow the prime directive:
Don’t fuck it up.
Pretty good D
WELL SAID, also from Moonstruck, Don’t Shit Where You Eat.
If you lack self esteem or self worth as you head out into the world, fix it. You’re talented and bring much to the table even if you don’t believe it.
Also, buy a bunch of NVDA.
Whatever it is, a hundred years from now, it won’t matter.
Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.
And it’s ALL petty. And it’s ALL sweaty.
Buy $5k of Apple stock in September 1991 … with dividend reinvestment and splits, it would be worth about $4.2m now without any other cash investment. At the long-term capital gains rate, that’s generational money. (I’m sort of kidding about that)
The serious one is “take the shot.” You probably know the old adage, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” A couple of times I passed up shots that I sometimes wonder if I should have. About 4 1/2 years into my career, I had an opportunity to interview for a role at a one of my dream employers at the time. I turned down the 2nd interview because the timing was bad requiring an out-of-state move while we were expecting our first child. A few years later my best client offered me the equivalent of what I would now consider the executive role in my field with the potential to become a future member of that company’s C-suite. I listened to a mentor who had my best interest at heart as I had my resignation letter in hand, and I decided to stay. A couple of years later I left the firm because my chosen practice area wasn’t working out as I had hoped (that hurt). The final one was about 10 years ago in an opportunity to make a difference. I was offered a job in a role where I could possibly have a legacy. It was terrible timing that would have required a significant financial decision affecting my family. I decided to turn it down. A close friend and colleague was surprised when I told him I turned it down. He was convinced I had decided to leave.
The one shot I did take has worked out. When I decided to return to my firm after a few years away in the early 2000s, I have had a chance to serve some of the greatest companies in my industry of specialization. I have a great relationship with my family in an industry where family sometimes isn’t first. I have friends and colleagues all over the world now that I would have never had the chance to meet (I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience the 9th win in a row over Tooth Nation with the London Dawgs). I have provided for my family beyond the dreams of that kid who still should have invested in Apple at $0.42/share.
I’m very fortunate that my 25% field goal percentage has worked out. Eric Church’s 6 strings are right on. Tune and maintain when things are good. Cling to them when they aren’t or when you’re considering change.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.
$5k per year since that time? How about $14-$16m today?
Respect your elders.
Always have one in the chamber.
Everyone understands a punch in the mouth.
Be patient. The world will still be there, pretty much the same, tomorrow.
Bonus thoughts:
0 -10 years old…time doesn’t exist.
11-20…time takes forever.
21-30…you’re aware of time finally.
31-40…I’ve arrived but now time won’t stop.
41-50…Ooofff…that went fast.
51-60…too fast.
61-70…hit the damn brakes!
71-80…whatever.
81-?? …it’s time.
Two lessons are paramount. My life is not about me and failure is a great deal more important than success. I worked for universities for 26 years. They are loaded with students who have never been allowed to fail by their parents. As a result, they’ve never had to live through the consequences of their own behavior. These children, and they are children not young adults, cannot deal with everyday life. I genuinely believe much of the mental health ‘crisis’ we keep talking about is really just a bunch of people whose parents never prepared them to deal with the realities of life. And they would rather wallow in their own narcissistic angst than figure out how to deal with it.
Don’t get any on ya
Work your ass off. American dream is for everyone. Up to you to go get it.
The time to think about physical health is now, not at 60!
Or some folks follow the philosophical teachings of Ron White’s approach…
“The clitoris is as sensitive as an eyeball”
Don’t get married at 23 because you’re ‘in love’.
When you do get married at 23, read the red flags that popped up early and pull the ripcord.
Go ALL in on the IT career front FAR earlier than you did.
Make time for yourself, don’t just go pedal to the metal 24/7/365.
Plan ahead. Don’t piss uphill barefooted.
I think faith is overrated. If it works for you, then that’s wonderful. I’ve made it over 60 years without faith, and I’m doing just fine. The Golden Rule has been my guide.
Buy real estate, although that advice might be outdated. I agree with Derek that you should buy a reliable vehicle and drive it as long as possible. I’d also advocate buying a used vehicle, but maybe that’s outdated advice these days.
Find a partner that you enjoy doing fun things with.
Everybody is a little fucked up in one way or another. Just be aware of that.
Other than big ticket items you NEED, don’t buy anything on credit.
Learn how to feed yourself. Eat lots of green vegetables and smaller amounts of leaner cuts of meat. Fiber is good for you.
Don’t drink your calories. Those $8 sugar bomb “coffees” are not good for you. Don’t drink sweeter soda. Don’t use artificial sweeteners.
Drink alcohol in moderation. I know, it’s difficult.
Don’t use tobacco products.
You or your partner or both should learn how to cook. Home cooked food is cheaper and generally better for you.
Exercise regularly. Even if it’s just walking, then do it. Just move your body.
Get regular checkups with your doctor and dentist, at least after age 40.
Don’t have more than one child.
Totally disagree about 1 child. I can’t imagine life without my 2 younger girls.
We have 3 and wish we’d have had more.
This is supposed to be advice for people graduating not older farts like you guys. 😉
I used to date a girl who’s father owned the largest auto auction in GA. He told me he’d never owned a new car in his life, nor had anyone in his family. He said the sweet spot was a gently driven 2 year old car. I’ve lived that mantra for the last 40 years, and it’s proven to be true.