Here’s something, for context:
We are deeply entrenched in the mental health and wellness era, and when clips like this get posted, it’s met with a blend of “atta boy, teach ’em young and raise ’em right” countered with “this is incredibly unhealthy for youth and generates childhood trauma and anxiety”.
I’m not one to really side with either. All kids are different, and having three girls I realize each one is different and requires different approaches to navigating them through life, with a common theme of “be a good person”.
How about you…what’s your take on this coach’s speech to his young players? What camp are you in and how do you want a coach to approach your child or grandchildren when it comes to coaching youth sports?
Discuss.
Yeah, black and white answers are always the best.
/s
I’d say that message is very unhealthy, at least in a vacuum. The problem is that it assumes everyone starts with an equal chance. Not true. What if they’re playing the Braves? Are they “losers?” Are they “losers” for not expecting to win. What if the other team, as is often the case, has a kid that has matured a bit earlier than the rest?
The value of sports is not sorting winners and losers. The value is in maximizing your potential individually and as a team. And just because your individual potential isn’t equal to Barry Bonds you aren’t a loser.
You prepare to win.
You aspire to win.
You play hard, smart and within the rules.
And when its over, whatever the result, you act right.
Being able to go from doing everything to beat your opponent to being respectful the moment the buzzer sounds is what sports is about.
Its not about being dicks, bullies, pointing fingers or chest pounding.
Its about harnessing that primal urge to dominate others and putting a coat of civilization over it so that we can focusing on the real issues in life: making lots of money in a relatively peaceful, stable world.
Well stated.
“I’d say that message is very unhealthy, at least in a vacuum. The problem is that it assumes everyone starts with an equal chance. Not true.” Ugh, every player steps onto the field under the same rules – umpired by a referee to adjudicate those rules. Get out of here.
“The value of sports is not sorting winners and losers” What?!?!?! Nonsense.
“Being able to go from doing everything to beat your opponent to being respectful the moment the buzzer sounds is what sports is about.”
Frankly, that is EXACTLY what this particular coach’s point is! Sheesh…either you are the winner (move on, the work that you did prior to this game/match accomplished the goal) or the loser (what do you do to get BETTER and win/accomplish the goal)! Bluntly, shake their hand and get back to work, either way.
Losers except losing. Losers never work to become a winner, period.
“You prepare to win.
You aspire to win.
You play hard, smart and within the rules.
And when it’s over, whatever the result, you act right.”
You had it right HERE – except for the final piece: How hard are you willing to work/learn to win/change the result the next time we play them?
“It’s about harnessing that primal urge to dominate others and putting a coat of civilization over it so that we can focusing(sic) on the real issues in life: making lots of money in a relatively peaceful, stable world.”
Yeah, sort of. Money isn’t the root of happiness in life for everyone. Putting forth the effort/skill/work to be happy (win) as far as what makes an individual happy? Sure.
This is incredibly inappropriate and that man needs to be removed immediately. If one of my children was on his team, I’d pull them as soon as I saw this. When they’re young, you teach them to love the game. As they mature, the very few who demonstrate advanced abilities AND have a genuine inner desire to play at a higher level can test those waters. It cannot be motivated by what Dad or Mom wants. It’s a very small subset of people who are gifted athletes.
As a Gen X child of divorce veteran my tolerance for verbal abuse knob goes to eleven, so this seemed benign. I never quit and go to the grey areas to win unapologetically. My problem with this clip: a coach telling children their parent is a loser is unacceptable. Full stop. Tell them “we play to win.” Tell them “we do what it takes to win.” Entering family dynamics – negative. What next? lectures on the family’s faith, origin, creeds? Yeah, maybe you think saying just have fun and it’s okay to lose rubs you the wrong way, then stop coaching little league, run for office and submit legislation or enact policies for public consumption.
Other than that shut your mouth about someone else’s parenting because if that parent comes back at you – don’t look to me to intervene.
I’ve been around young people and my policy was show, don’t tell. I had the honor of parents asking my advice to deal with bullying or recommend books or even how to “toughen my kid up,” and I never went to the “if your parents…” card.
“If you ain’t first, you’re last!”
Seriously though, my kids aren’t really into anything super competitive yet. They do some extracurriculars, and I always ask them did they have fun and did they do their best. As long as they answer yes to both of those, I’m good.
There are important lessons to give kids about winning and losing. That is most definitely not one of them. I’m guessing that was parody.
Good point about it possibly being parody. It’s really hard to tell these days. If real then I cannot imagine that guy not getting his ass kicked eventually by some Dad after their kid came home and announced “coach said you are a loser.”
YOU PLAY THE GAME TO WIN!
That is true … that’s why there’s a scoreboard.
Good grief. That guy has no idea what a winner or a loser is, and the words he used are the reason things like Enron happen in the real world. I don’t have the context of the words or the actions this guy has given the team in the past, but to me, it’s not a great look. It’s the opposite of June Jones when he told that Hawaii team to go out and “play like they belonged” before sending them into the Sugar Bowl meat grinder. They are both negative in their own way.
At every opportunity one of my daughters (or son-in-law) has done something competitive whether that’s a grad school audition, a test, or a presentation, all I say to them whether in person or electronically is “no regrets.” If you can walk out of the room or off the stage or field and say “I have no regrets,” you’re a winner regardless of however they keep score.
The coach is a loser. Winning is going out and playing your best. I don’t know how old the kids he coaches are but calling parents losers is wrong. I would not want him anywhere near my grandkids.
This video has been making rounds for years. There are other videos of him and the longer version of this one talks about wanting to get so many hits it makes the other team’s pitcher cry. Hit to do bat flips and not sissy bunts, etc. I think it’s a real team, but it is a guy just being funny before the games. The boys are laughing the whole way through his speeches.
That being said, there are probably coaches out there that are pretty close to this in real life. My boy’s 9u travel ball team had an incredible day hitting last weekend and after a couple home runs made a couple pitchers cry. On pretty good teams too. But I don’t think anyone was excited to make anyone cry. I’ve seen good players, who usually can handle tough love, completely shut down for weeks because of a coach going overboard in scolding them one particular day. I’ve seen good players quit because their moms (or loser dads as the video says) don’t like a coach yelling at their precious little snowflake. On the other hand I’ve seen kids with potential respond great to hard coaching and kids with potential quit completely because they couldn’t take just a little bit of criticism or semi-tough coaching.
Each kid is different. But I have always been of the mind that coaches, especially at competitive levels, should be tough on their players. And let them know that mistakes happen, but we want you to try to learn from each mistake and get better from it, lack of effort or bad attitude is not acceptable. As long as the kid knows the coach has his back and any short-term vitriol or tough coaching is coming from a place of love, most kids respond positively to it. The ones who don’t, you don’t want on the team. That’s how my dad and my coaches were growing up. And it seems to weed out the ones who’s parents are going to be problem parents because they don’t want little Johnny getting yelled at. But I’ve seen many coaches on other team go way overboard and thought to myself, I would never let my kid play for that lunatic who is threatening to fight other coaches, the umps, opposing parents, throwing gloves at kids and telling them they are terrible. So, I guess there is middle ground, but to be productive for making the kid a better player and turning them into a better man, I think that middle ground lies strongly to the tough coaching side.
I’m not the only goal is to have a good time kind of dad once they were past the age where they were able to understand the concept of keeping score. I always told them my goal was to see their best effort at all times. Saying dad is a loser is over the top. I coached youth sports (baseball) for several years. The only thing I would ever really get on a kid about was lack of effort. Not every kid has the same talent so there are going to be winners and losers. What you can do is give 100% effort on every play. Physical errors are going to happen. Mental errors are mostly lack of preparation. You play like you practice. Not sure if he is the first to state this, but Kevin Durant hit the nail on the head.
“Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard” – Kevin Durant. I had much rather have a team of average players that leave it all on the field than a bunch of super talented players that refuse to work and win on talent alone. The best of the best have the talent and the super work ethic. Look at basketball. Michael Jordan and Larry Bird are two of the best to ever play the game. They also both had the reputation as the hardest workers in practice.
You know, I’ve been thinking about this reading everyone’s comments this morning. I coached middle school and high school sports for a decade and I can’t recall overemphasizing winning as much as I overemphasized preparation and readiness for game specific challenges. Our general pep talk with the team was about respecting the game, and if we won we did it right and if we lost, let it be through fair play, as well. The results, either way, is that you can say you respected the game and your opponent and gave your best effort, and that the next game could humble or redeem as easily as you allowed it to. But we really never talked about wins and losses. Hmm.
I love Winning, I dislike losing, more than I like Winning…GO DAWGS!!
https://youtu.be/6eGrVNNMceE?si=M4CEhX2MbsGH8buu
LMAO. This is satire, right?
Contrast this jerk with what Nick Saban sold. What Nick Saban sold wasn’t “you have to be winners!!!!! What he sold was, “you have to learn to do every drill absolutely correctly and if you do every detail correctly winning will take care of itself. “
This one hits deep. I’ve recently found myself the unwitting head coach of a 13-15yo rec baseball team (they were going to cancel the team if no one volunteered to coach; I’ve played soccer in HS/College, and baseball up to HS; and have coached t-ball and little league in various states as we’ve moved around and because my kid loves the game) and we’re … not doing great. Season started last week and we’re 0-3. Yes, we’ve lost every game and may well be the worst team in the league based on what I’ve seen of the other teams. Last week we went up against a pitcher who could have been a HS starter. He was close to 5’10 and throwing nearly 70mph. I don’t have anyone on my roster who can pitch like that, so my players never see that during practice. One kid came back with his eyes wide and said, “they’re trying to kill me, coach!” No, that’s just what a well-executed inside fastball looks like (doesn’t help when the pitcher literally says, “I’m not going to hit you” before the throws the ball).
My kids try hard. They’re not the most talented or coordinated (the league is specifically for kids who didn’t make the Varsity, JV, or travel ball teams), they bobble an easy grounder or drop a fly-ball more than I would like. But dammit, my catcher threw out a kid stealing third last night; my center fielder, second baseman and shortstop teamed up for an awesome relay that got a guy going for a double; my left fielder and first baseman nailed some clutch fly balls that would have been huge given the runners on base. Yes, we’ve ended multiple innings with the bases loaded, kids get frustrated and cry when they strikeout or walk five batters in a row. But that’s the game. If we’re not using this game (or any game) to teach kids how to handle adversity and how to handle life, then we’re doing them a disservice.
My 14yo cried the whole way home because he struck out all three at-bats, and he was spiraling down the drain (“I suck at this game,” “I don’t know why I ever thought I could play,” “I should go back to my 7yo self and tell him not to even care”) and it broke my heart. As a coach I wanted to talk about swinging at high pitches, about not being too aggressive at the plate, about making sure you’re balanced in your stance … as a parent, I wanted to hug him (if a 14yo lets me do that), tell him I love him and it’ll be OK, that it’s just a game. Later that night we sat on his bed and he did let me hug him. I told him he plays the game because it’s fun, and that I coach him because it’s fun (unfortunately, his play last night wiped out any memory of his game last week when he went 2/3 and scored twice) – because I want these memories with him and because I remember when my parents coached my teams. It may not have meant much to me then, but it means more than I can say now.
We may keep losing games, but I’m going to do my best to make sure these kids are better baseball players in July than they were in March, and that they’ve had some fun along the way.
MEd_Dawg05
Been there Chief and It sucks. I’d never do it again, it broke my heart to see good kids play their hearts out and get run ruled every other game because 12-year-olds simply cannot compete with kids turning 15.